


Price of Youth

by Yumisaki



Category: Johnny's Entertainment, Sexy Zone
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-16
Updated: 2014-03-16
Packaged: 2018-01-15 23:13:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 26,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1322806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yumisaki/pseuds/Yumisaki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The two youngest bandmembers have been maturing a lot since their debut. But the agencys' concept of a perfect band is different...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... this is our third multichapter, yay!  
> It has been around on LJ for quite a long time, and we finally got ourselves to upload it here, too.  
> We hope you enjoy this, even if it is kind of brutal at times!  
> ~Yumisaki

Sou POV

 

I felt really nervous when we stood in front of the wooden door. I was wondering all the time why Johnny-san wanted to talk to us. And all the time I couldn't forget this one thought that always found his way into my mind. All the time I tried to calm myself down with saying to myself:

_He wouldn't separate us from the others. Why should he? He just wouldn't do that, would he?_

I always thought of Johnny-san as a nice and funny old man, just like my grandpa. But now I was scared what he would say and I just wanted to run away.

The feeling of fear captivated my heart and I felt scared. I bit my lip.

I just wanted to stay with the others forever. We are _One_ Sexy Zone, aren't we?

But Johnny-san couldn't have another reason for wanting to talk to us. I tried hard to hold back my tears.

“Your lip is bleeding.”

My gaze caught Marius' wide opened eyes full of fear while looking up to him. I knew he thought the same things that went through my head. Trying to distract myself I concentrated on Mari's height. Last year he had been just as tall as me and now he was as tall as Kento. If he would grow like this any longer, he’d get taller than Fuma.

But now he seemed just like a scared little kid that I wanted to hug, although I didn't feel any better.

He whispered with a broken voice.

“He wouldn't do that, would he?”

I brought up a smile, trying to cheer him up.

“He won't do that. He can't!”

“I hope so.”

He focused his eyes on his shoes trying not to show me that he just didn't believe me.

“Mari... See... He-”

I got interrupted by Johnny-san's secretary.

“He is now ready to talk to you. Please come in.”

She led us through the door. There he was, waiting for us.

Mari and I stood nervously in front of his desk, both looking at the ground. Just like two scared boys, waiting for their judgment.

After a big sigh of Johnny-san he started to talk.

“Do you know why I want to talk to you?”

I shook my head, feeling some tears coming up. But I won't let them leave my eyes. Not in front of Johnny-san.

He let out a little laughter.

“Of course you don't know. How should you? But you're guessing something right? What is it?”

“Umm...” Mari-chan raised his shaking voice. “We thought maybe... I mean we don't hope that and we don't want it. But in the last few months the others did so much without us and we thought maybe... Maybe you...” His voice faded.

“You thought I'll separate you from the others? No. Yes, I thought about it in the past, but that was months ago. And I wouldn't have put you together if I planned to separate you again. That wouldn’t make any sense.”

He smiled and somehow it made me shudder even though I was relieved he wouldn't separate us.

“No I have other plans with you. You'll be in Sexy Zone forever.”

“Thank you so much, Johnny-san.” Mari's voice was full of happiness. Didn't he notice that something was wrong? Definitely wrong. But my mind told me to not let anyone notice anything.

So I smiled.

Johnny-san stood up.

“Matsushima-san and Marius-san, I want to show you something.”

I turned my head to look at my friend, who looked just as surprised as me. Johnny-san took a few steps towards another door, making signs to make us follow him. I suppressed the urge of taking Mari’s hand, he looked so scared that I just wanted to calm him down. But there was no way that I would be talking now or anything, because my throat felt really dry from all the gasping I had made out of shock, happiness or whatever.

“First, I need you to promise me something.” Johnny-san said, having laid his hand on the doorknob. “You need to promise that you won’t tell anyone about what happens or what you will see in this room. Got it?”  
If even possible, my eyes got wider and my heart beat faster. But I nodded, still not sure if I was able to talk.

Then, finally, Johnny-san pressed down the doorknob and opened the door slowly. He revealed a huge room, furnished with a lot of tables and chairs. But everything, and I mean _everything,_ was chromed. That room looked like it came straight out of a science-fiction movie. It had the same smell you get when you go to the doctor. The smell of disinfection-spray and something else. The smell that just feels like it would just etch away your nose.

Mari and I stood at the door sill, not daring to go in completely.

“Come in.” Johnny-san said in a nice but forcing voice. And only when I took a step into the room I noticed the shelves at the wall on the left. They were full of weird, colorful and bubbling liquids, but what scared me the most where the syringes. At least 50 syringes were laying there, neatly arranged, full of the strange liquids I had realized before.

I heard a gasp from my younger band mate, he had probably noticed the syringes too. And I knew, we were both certainly scared of these.

“What… What is this room?” I asked with a shaking voice.

Johnny-san laughed a little before he answered. “Don’t be so scared, you’re making me feel bad for frightening you.” He shook his head and sat down on one of the tables. They looked like these little tables at the vet. “Come on, take a seat too.” He tapped beneath him and we took place hesitantly.

“Let me tell you something.” Johnny-san began. “You two have gotten older, that’s clearly visible. And you’ve matured a lot.” He turned his head to Mari, who was sitting on his right. “You have gotten a lot taller.” His head swung around so he could look at me, sitting on his left. “And you’re voice has gotten deeper, right? You’re at the barrier of becoming adults. And what I want to do now, is to prevent that. A perfect band insists out of some adult-like or maybe manly members. And the other members, I’m talking about you here, are cute and childish. You were perfect for these roles until now, but I can’t let you become more grown-up than you are now.”

I breathed in to contradict, but Johnny-san shook his head and continued talking.

“I know what you’re thinking now. _That old man is crazy! Maturing can’t be stopped!_ But I actually found a way.” He knocked on the table twice and a man in a white coat came in. He held two squealing puppies in his arms. Johnny-san pointed at one of the puppies. “This one is almost two years old now. We started with the therapy when he was only a few months old, and look at how cute he still is!” He patted the little dog before pointing to the other one. “And this one is even better! We have just started with a new therapy for him, and he grew younger! Puppies grow a lot when they are young, right? This one was a lot bigger, and almost an adult, but when we treated him, he grew tinier and now he looks like a puppy again! Isn’t that great?” his voice had gotten really excited and happy the more he had talked, but I was just staring at the dogs in disbelief.

“That’s… not true, is it? How is that possible?” A little voice came from the left.

“Don’t ask how!” he laughed and clapped his hands. “I didn’t invent this! I just hired some scientists! You know, money can make a lot happen…”

I wanted to stand up, but a cold pair of hands grabbed my wrists and pulled me backwards over the table. I heard a clicking noise, then I couldn’t move my arms anymore. Someone had chained them up behind my back. Mari was squealing beneath me, his hands had gotten chained too.

“What?!” I yelled, trying to free myself. “You’re not going to do this with us, right? That must be a joke! Are there hidden cameras?” my voice was full of fear and my eyes were welling up with tears, but the other people in the room just kept watching us struggling.

“I’ll be leaving then.” Johnny-san said and walked towards the door. “You know what to do and I don’t want to disturb you.”

His employees mumbled some silent words and then came closer to us.

I looked at Mari and he was probably thinking the same as me. We had to get out of here. If through screaming, biting, kicking, whatever, we _had_ to get out of here. I didn’t even care about my career. I would finish school and start another job, it’s not like being in entertainment-business was my only possibility. And what they were planning to do with us was just… terrible. Terrible and misanthropic. But before I could even say one word, the person in the white coat had already pressed something against my mouth and everything around me became black.

 

 

I blinked slowly against the white light that was blurring my vision. Now my arms weren’t chained together anymore, but they were fixed at the edges of the table I was lying on. Somehow, I couldn’t even move my fingers. And my legs were the same. Not being able to move even an inch, I heard voices from my left.

I didn’t know who was talking, but they were probably some of Johnny-san’s scientists.

 

“He woke up.”

“Who?”  
“Number One.”  
“What about number two?”  
“Still sleeping, therapy is not possible at his state.”

“Should we start with number one?”

 

I didn’t hear an answer and I hoped with all my heart that it was a head-shaking. Then a face bend over me and looked into my eyes.

“How do you feel?” the woman asked. I decided not to answer at all, maybe she would think I wasn’t ready for _the therapy_ yet, too.

But the woman just narrowed her eyes and came a bit closer.

“Answer me.” she said in a silent but cold voice. “Since you are awake, we will start with the therapy now. I was asking because I’m trying to be _nice_.”  
Yeah, very nice. Almost as nice as the other woman who was now coming closer, holding a huge syringe in her hand.

“What… what is that?” I asked with a trembling voice.

“Oh, look, our little patient _can_ talk!” I seriously had never felt the urge to punch someone in the face before, but now I did.

“Let me tell you what will happen, and what has already happened when you were sleeping, before we will inject you this beautiful syringe.” Her face showed a huge smile, but her eyes seemed scary. “We wanted to make sure that you will keep your promise and…” she pinched my cheek. “…that you won’t tell anyone about our little secret. So we grafted a little chip into your neck. From now on, if you try to talk to anyone about what happens here, your body will feel an unbelievably strong pain. You won’t be able to think, talk, probably even breathing will be hard for you then, until you give up trying to talk about this all. Oh, wait, it’s not just talking. If you even think about letting anymore know, it will hurt. So don’t think you can write a little letter to someone.”

I gasped, but the woman continued talking.

“Don’t be sad about this. You can still talk with number tw- I mean, Marius, about all this. There’s no need for you to keep all your fears for yourself! Isn’t that great? But as soon as an uninitiated person is closer than 5 meters to you, I would keep my mouth shut.”

She nodded and patted my head.

“And now, we will start with the therapy. I’m not going to say it won’t hurt, because it _will_ , but just think about it as your obligation. For becoming famous, being an idol, you had to undergo uncountable hours of training. You sweat a lot, fell down, became desperate when something didn’t work out. But you overcame these problems and you are a lot stronger now, aren’t you? And this, my little number one, was my last attempt to be nice. I hope you are ready now, because we won’t wait any longer.”

I tried to contradict, but she shut my mouth with some kind of scarf.

The other woman came closer and held the needle onto my arm. Just now I realized that it wasn’t just the longest needle I had ever seen, but also the thickest. It felt like a branch would be pierced through my skin, and tears streamed down my face. I screamed and fidgeted, but it didn’t help. I felt like it took an eternity until the syringe was empty and they pulled out the needle again. The point they had been stabbing it in was hurting and itching. And under my skin it felt like ice would flow through me. Starting from my arm, making its way through the rest of my body. It gave me goosebumps and I shuddered.

But all these feelings vanished when I heard what the woman said next.

“Number two is awake now. We can start the therapy.”

I screamed again, suppressed by the fabric in my mouth, and tried to free myself one more time. They couldn’t do that to Marius. He was just so… young. And he wouldn’t be able to stand that pain. He was taller than me, and he liked picking me because of that, but inside his head he was still a little child.

 

And I had never felt so useless and weak as I did when I heard a loud scream from the adjacent room…

 

 

Marius POV

 

At first I didn't know where I was. My first thought was: _The light is dazzling._

My second: _Why can't I move?_

Then it hit me. I was in this horrible room of Johnny-san. They were planning to... Even though I didn't know exactly _what_ it was, I was scared as hell.

Then I realized that Sou-chan was somewhere here. The only thing that went through my head was _We have to get out of here! Somehow!_

Somewhere left I heard the voice of a woman.

“Number two is awake now. We can start the therapy.”

Was _I_ number two? A cold shudder went through my body when I realized what would happen now.

Either it was Sou they were talking about, or me. I didn't know what was worse.

Then I heard a suppressed scream. A scream that could only come from Sou-chan.

I felt the fear spreading through me like a torrent of cold water, numbing all my senses making me incapable of thinking or just breathing. No...  please no....

Then I saw a woman coming in my sight. My eyes grew bigger when I saw the syringe she had in her hand. The needle was so big. I'd always hated needles, since I was a little child.

The woman smiled in a cold way. “We'll explain the circumstances later to you. Your friend is already done with this so we can't wait any longer”

The needle got closer to my left arm. It was like slow motion. My panic grew and I could feel tears streaming down my cheeks. My brain totally turned off. I shut my eyes, whispering. It was like a reflex that I used German although they couldn't understand me anyway.

“Nein... Bitte nicht.. Bitte-” A razor-sharp pain cut through my body. I let my eyes shut because I didn't want to see the needle. I tried to hold back a scream because Sou-chan would hear it and I didn't want him to hear it. But I couldn't help it. A second later I found myself screaming. Screaming because of the pain that was running through my body. It felt like they had injected hot water into my veins. I couldn't stand the pain any longer. _Sou... Did he feel the same?_ That was the last thing before I sank into darkness. Taking the pain with me. I didn't notice that the syringe was empty and they pulled it out again. The pain held me captivated in darkness.


	2. Chapter 2

Marius POV

 

 “Marius! Mari-chan! Say something!”

“He'll wake up soon. He's just a little weaker than you. Changing the height is more painful than changing a voice, Matsushima-san.”

“I don't mind! Just STOP changing him if it hurts him so much! You're so cruel! I'll do this alone but please stop the therapy with Mari.”

Someone laughed.

“I can't stop now. And I don't want to stop.”

I tried to open my eyes. My lids fluttered. “Ugh..”

“Mari-chan! I'm so glad you woke up! Say something!”

Was this really Sou-chan? His voice was... changed... And there was an insisting pain in my whole body. Again I started to remember.

Someone took my hand. I flinched back. “Mari-chan! It's only me. Look at me”

I carefully opened my eyes and saw Sous’ face which was bowed over mine. In his eyes glistened some tears.

It hurted to see him like this. I didn't want him to cry because of me, so I smiled a little, trying to ignore the pain.

“I'm happy to see you smiling again.” Johnny-san's voice was friendly but it made me shudder and washed away the smile.

“Before we're parting again I want you to promise me two things. But let me say this first. If you don't want to promise me or if you're going to break the promise I'll call your lovely band mates in here. And I'm sure you don't  want to see how I'll hurt them.” He smiled.

Sou looked at him with a frown and snapped. “What things?”

“Patience, Matsushima-san.  After you promised me, I'll leave you alone. You should stay here a little because Marius-san is still a little weak.”

“Just tell us! What things should we promise?”

“You can't wait, can you?“ Johnny said amused. Sou-chan murmured so that only I could hear him.

“I swear I'm going to kill him.“

I smiled. “I'll help you.“

Johnny-san raised his voice.

“So... the two things... First I want you to come here three times a week. I know it's often but at the beginning of the therapy it's necessary.“

I groaned. This pain three times a week?! That had to be a joke.

Johnny-san stopped smiling. “And no complaints!” His eyes narrowed. “I want you to come here every Monday, Wednesday and Friday after dance practice. It's also important that the others don't notice that you're going to come regularly to my office.”

“And what if?” Sou asked provocatively.

Johnny-san smiled again. A little too sweet.

“I would tell them to come, too. First they would watch you undergoing the therapy and then they'll get some special treatment while you're watching them.”

Our eyes widened and we looked at each other. “So... will you two promise?”

We lowered our heads and nodded.

“Fine!” He smiled satisfied. “Then let's come to the second. Marius I bet you're thinking of telling the first person you meet outside about all this right?”

He was right. This couldn't go on. I didn't want it to go on. So I would tell my parents, the police, the others, it didn't matter who.

“It won't work.” Johnny said. “Matsushima-san already knows that.”

I looked at Sou-chan. He gulped and made a face. My gaze went back to Johnny, confused.

“I don't understand...” My voice sounded weak.

“And I don't have the time to explain. So I want Matsushima-san to promise me that he'll explain to you, when I'm away. Will you promise?”

Sou-chan gulped again but nodded. I didn't understand what was going on. Johnny must've seen the confusion in my face because he smiled slightly. “He'll explain to you.”

A few seconds it was silent.

Then a phone rang. It was Johnny-san's.

He took it, said a few words and hung up again. His gaze went back to us and he told us.

“I have to go now. A meeting because of Kis-my-ft2's new single. I hope you'll have much fun and see you in two days, my little kids.”

He stood up and went out of the office. Sou looked at his back, the eyes full of fear, anger and revulsion.

 

Sou POV

 

After Johnny left I felt relieved but empty. When I closed my eyes, I could still hear Mari-chan's screaming in my head. Full of pain.

Seeing him like this was the worst for me. And from now on I would see this three times a week. And there was nothing that we could do against this. How should I tell him?

“Sou-chan...What is it? Why can't we tell someone?” Mari-chan looked at me with big eyes.

I stuttered. “See... We... I... They...”

“Just tell me! It's worse enough so it couldn't get that more worse.”

“Okay” I sighed with resignation. “You remember that we slept some time before the therapy started, right?”

Marius shuddered. He was still a little pale.

“Yes, I remember”

“While we slept they put a little chip into our neck.”

“What?!” Marius eyes widened. I didn't know they could become even bigger. Maybe because he was half-German?

“A scientist told me before they started the therapy.” I groaned. “It's cruel to let me tell you...”

“Don't worry. Maybe it's better you tell me and not...” He shuddered again. I sighed.

“Okay, there's this little chip. If you even think about trying to tell someone somehow or if you talking to someone about what happens to you... Even if you're talking to me about it and someone is may able to hear you it'll... I mean me and Johnny are the only persons you can talk about it without that...”

“That what?” Marius frowned. “Tell me Sou!”

I took a deep breath. “If you do this, the chip will notice, don't ask me how, and you'll feel a strong pain numbing all your senses, make it hard for you to move, talk or even breathe until you stop thinking about it.”

Marius gasped. His hand went for his neck, searching for the chip. Only minutes before I did the same. And I really felt it. Only a little but it was there. That was not just a bluff. It was the cruel reality.

Marius looked at me again, asking. “But we can talk to each other right?”

“They said so.”

“Then let's observe what this will do with us.”

“Yeah, you're right. I'll record my voice every day with my phone and then we'll see what happens.”

“And I have this piece of my wall that's covered by the curtain. I'll measure myself every day, drawing lines on the wall and writing the date next to it.”

Marius smiled at me a little insecure, but he smiled. “I'm feeling better now, so let's go out of this office and home.”

I could see he still felt a little weak but didn't want to stay here, that's why I agreed. I felt like I must take care of him so I went with him until we reached his house.

“Then... See you tomorrow Sou-chan.”

I nodded. “We'll make it through all of this, somehow. See you Mari-chan.”

Then I went away.

 

Marius POV

 

I had tried my best not to let Sou notice that I was still feeling horrible. My legs were shaking and the blood in my veins was still burning like fire. I wasn’t sure if Sou had noticed my condition, but at least he didn’t say anything.

We went out of Johnny’s office and Sou brought me home. He didn’t say a word while we were walking, but for me it was better like that. There were so many things I wanted to think about, so many things I had to ease down.

I only realized that we had reached my house when Sou stopped walking. I sighed and turned my head to look at him.

“Then… see you tomorrow, Sou-chan.” I said, trying to sound as normal as possible.

Sou nodded, but his eyes looked sad and tired.

“We’ll make it through all of this, somehow. See you, Mari-chan.”

As Sou turned around to walk away, I had the urge to pull him back and hug him. He was older than me. And he probably felt like he had to protect me. But I wished he would care more about himself. There was no person in this word I was as thankful as I was towards Sou right now. Because I knew, I couldn’t go through all of this if Sou wouldn’t be there. He, the only one I could talk to at the moment, was my tower of strength.

While I had been standing there, trying to hold back my tears, Sou had already gone out of m sight. I turned around and realized that I had forgotten my keys inside my room this morning. My parents were at home, but I didn’t want to face them like that. Well, there was no other option right now, so I took a deep breath and knocked on the door. My mother opened up and greeted me with a warm smile.

“Oh, you’re late.” She said as I walked inside. “Where have you been?”

I felt a sharp pain spreading from my neck when I thought about telling her the truth. I gasped and suppressed my urge to scream out loud. After a while, I was finally able to answer.

“The… dance practice took longer than expected. Fuma, Shori and Kento are still way better than Sou and me, so… we decided that there will be extra dance lessons for the two of us so we can catch up a bit. I will be late more often from now on.”

My mothers’ eyes narrowed a bit as she got closer to feel my forehead.

“Don’t overdo it, honey. It won’t get you anywhere if you end up in the hospital.” She gave me a kiss on my cheek and patted my shoulder. “Come on, dinner is ready. And after that, you will go dtraight to bed, you look terribly exhausted.”  
I forced a smile onto my face and shook my head.

“I’m not hungry. I already ate something.” I hugged my mother and went upstairs.

Now, I felt safe. So safe, that I let myself fall down to the floor, having tears flowing all over my face.

“Why… is this happening to me?” I whispered and stroke over my wet cheeks.

When Sou had told me that everything will be ok, and that we will make it through this, I felt at least a little relieved. But no I sat here on the ground, alone, no one to talk to. My head felt like it would explode. So many things had happened in the past few hours and I still didn’t want to believe it. I was still hoping to wake up from that horrible nightmare every second. I shook my head and got up again. No. I wouldn’t be a crybaby and do nothing but whine. Sou managed to be strong, so I had to be able to be like him, too. My legs were still shaking, making it hard for me to walk even a few small steps to my curtain. I pushed it away and searched for something to make a mark with. The last time I had measured myself had been just a week ago, so there wouldn’t be too much of a change, would it?

But the new mark I made proved me wrong. It was already 1 cm that I had shrunk! Maybe it was the fault of my shaky hands, or due to the fact that I couldn’t bring myself to stand up straight, but still…

“Oh, no…” I whispered and threw myself into my bed. I didn’t want to do anything anymore. I was done for today. No moving, talking, or even thinking until tomorrow morning, I told myself. And that was unexpectedly easy. I immediately fell asleep and only woke up when I heard the birds chirping in front of my window.

“Ugh… wait… Oh!” I jumped out of my bed and ran downstairs. I had school today!

“Mom! Why didn’t you wake me up?!” I yelled while rushing into the kitchen.

“Oh, get in your bed again, sweety.” My mom answered softly. “I wanted to wake you up, but you looked so pale and your forehead felt really hot. I can’t let you go to school like that!”

I took a seat on one of our kitchen chairs and placed a hand on my head. It really felt kind of hot.

“Mom, I’m okay…” I wanted to tell her that I was able to go to school, but she interrupted me.

“No. You’re  ill. That’s clearly visible. And I don’t want to be a bad mother, so you’ll stay at home today. And if your condition doesn’t get better, I’ll go to the agency and talk to them about your extra dance lessons. You’re good enough at dancing anyways, aren’t you?” I got up from my chair and shook my head.

“No! Don’t go to the agency!” My heart started racing when I even tried to think of what they would do to my mother if she talked to them. “It’s okay.” I insisted. “I’m fine. Just a little tired. I can go to school tomorrow, but if you want I can stay at home today…” It was only Tuesday, so if I went to school tomorrow, everything should be okay.

My mother gave me a pitying look as I got up and walked upstairs again. She didn’t say anything, so I went directly into my room and pulled the curtains away from the wall. I had to force myself a bit, because I was afraid of the results I would get today. But eventually I got myself o stand up straight against the wall and measure myself.

I gasped when O saw where the mark was this time. It was already 1,5 cm under the mark had done the past evening!

So, in less than a day… I had been shrinking 2,5 cm?! That was impossible!

I sat down on my bed and hid my face in my hands. I couldn’t even call Sou and talk to him, because he was probably still on school. Or did he stay at home too?

Well, it was worth a try. I grabbed my mobile from my bedside cabinet and called my friend.

“Mari-chan? “ I heard his voice calling me through the speakers. Maybe I was imagining things, but it sounded a bit higher than normally.

“Aren’t you at school? Well, I’m at home, too…”

“Sou, this is really serious.” I interrupted him. “I’ve been shrinking a lot since yesterday. Now we can be sure that this isn’t a bad joke or something. And your voice sounds higher, too!” I wanted to cry again. Cry about what was happening and that it was happening _so fast_.

“I know.” Sous’ voice  was now really quiet and sad.

“My mother was afraid I caught a cold and that’s why my voice sounds so weird, so I had to stay at home today. But we have to go to school tomorrow. I can’t tell my mom that I’m not going to school but to dance practice, that doesn’t make any sense.”  
I nodded, even though I knew Sou couldn’t see it.

“Then… See you tomorrow.” I said, almost whispering, and hung up without even waiting for an answer.

Sighing, I let myself fall on my bed again. A knock on my door let me turn my head, and I saw my brother coming in.

“Hey, little brother.” He greeted me while he sat down beneath me.

“How are you? I heard you didn’t go to school today.” He patted my head. I loved my brother, even though we fought a lot. The more it hurt that I was not able to tell him the truth.

“I’m feeling better already. And I don’t want to miss school tomorrow… I’m afraid my grades will drop if I’m absent for a longer time…” I had to laugh at how ridiculous my words sounded. Two days of not going to school wouldn’t have my grades drop dramatically.

“Are you sure you are okay?” My brother came a bit closer and laid an arm around me. “If you want to talk, then just tell me. I’m sure there are things you don’t want to talk about with mom or dad, but you can open up to me, okay?” He grinned and poked my cheek.

I just nodded while smiling back to him.

But what I wanted to tell him wasn’t something embarrassing that I couldn’t tell my parents. It was something I couldn’t tell _anyone_ , no matter I wanted to or not. My brother patted my shoulder one last time, then last my room again. For the rest of the day I continued lying in my bed and thinking about what was happening. From time to time, the pain came back, burning in my veins. But despite that, it was also my muscles that hurt terribly. It was like I could _feel_ my body shrinking. So I just lay there, trying to suppress the screams that wanted to come out. My mother came in sometimes, asking how I was, and every time I told her that I was doing fine and that I would definitely go to school the next day.

And so I did. I didn’t get much of what the teachers or my friends were talking about, but I went to school. Just to prove that I was okay. Just to prove that I was able to go to dance practice that day. And when I left the house to go and get Sou, se we could go there together, my mother hesitated a bit but eventually let me go.

“It’s okay.” I persisted and put on my best smile as I left the house.

Sou and I talked the whole time we were walking. His voice had gotten higher, I could hear it clearly now, and I told him that my height had gone down half a centimeter again, too.

But the closer we got to the building our dance practice was in, the more our legs started to refuse walking. The fear of what would happen in a few hours had never been erased completely, but now it was growing bigger again.

“Sou, I’m scared.” I admitted when we stood in front of the house.

Sou looked at me before he took a step forward to hug me.

“I know.” He whispered, sobbing. “I’m scared too. But we can do it, because we’re not alone, right? Just… try concentrating on dance practice now. The others can’t find out that there’s something wrong or…” his voice cracked.

We jumped away from each other when we suddenly heard a voice from behind us.

“Oh, don’t you want to go in?” Kento greeted us with his usual huge smile. “We got dance practice now, you know?” he laughed and walked towards the door to open it for us. “Come on, let’s give our best today!” We both put on our brightest smiles as we walked in together with Kento.

 


	3. Chapter 3

Kento POV

I didn’t suspect anything weird when I saw my two band mates hugging in front of the building we had dance practice in. Maybe a bad grade in school, maybe a little fight in the family, that was nothing unusual at that age, was it? So I tried cheering them up with a smile as we walked in.

But they still seemed distracted the whole time. Normally, when we had problems or were worried about something we tried forgetting about it at least for band activities. And I could see, the youngest two were trying not to let us know that something was wrong, that they were feeling bad, but we _did_ notice. Well, at least I did. And, to be honest, I was a bit offended when they didn’t come and talk to me about what was wrong. I was the oldest one and, even if this sounds a bit conceited, by far the one who could give the best advice out of the five of us. Until now, they had asked me if they weren’t sure with making decisions or if they had any problems. So, every time our eyes met, I pouted or looked away theatrically. That was childish, I know, but I wanted them to see that I _did_ realize that something was wrong and that I was disappointed they were keeping secrets from me. But I couldn’t help it and mixture my looks with worries. Maybe they were having problems they just couldn’t talk about? If they were talking about it to me or not was their decisions, but the fact that they _were_ having problems was worrying me enough.

“Is everything okay?” Fuma asked when we took a little break from dancing. “Did you guys have a fight?”

“Oh, no, it’s… nothing.” I smiled at him as I shook my head. “But…” the last one I would be having secrets from was Fuma, so I decided to share my worries with him. “Don’t you think they are acting weird? Did they talk to you?” I was preparing to explode of jealousy if he told me that Marius and Sou did talk to _him_ , but not to _me_. Luckily, Fuma tilted his head and sighed. “I realized that, too. They didn’t talk to me. Why do you ask? I thought you are their first choice if they have any problems.” He laughed a bit, but eventually changed his expression when he saw that I was still not happy with his answer.  
“Don’t worry, Kento. If it was something serious, they would definitely come and talk to us, right? But if you’re not satisfied with that, we can go and talk to them, ok? Let’s do that! But first… we need to finish dancing, come on!” he pulled me on my feet again and we continued dancing.

When the practice was over and we grabbed our water bottles, wanting to leave the dance studio, Marius and Sou were still standing in the middle of the room. Shori threw a confused look at them, asking. “Won't you come? The practice is over, isn't it?”

Sou avoided his eyes, stuttering a little. “Yeah... We... we want to practice a little more, because we're not that good...”

I frowned. I didn't know why, but I didn't believe Sou. They became very good at dancing recently. Sometimes I wondered if they had practice at home together. But they wouldn't lie at us, would they?

I opened my mouth but Fuma send me a warning look, smiled and said. “It's okay. I don't think you need to practice more but if you're feeling better then. Give your best okay?”

Sou looked at his shoes, nodding. Fuma dragged me out of the room. I threw a last worried look at my two band mates, who were still standing there, now with a scared expression on their face. Something was definitely wrong. Definitely. And I swore to myself that I wouldn't rest until they were happy again.

I turned to face Fuma, asking with annoyance. “Why did you stop me from saying something?”

He sighed. “I think it'll be better if we talk to them when they are at home and in a better situation.”

I nodded slowly. “Yeah... maybe you're right. I'm sorry... Thank you Fuma.”

“Don't always apologize Kento! You don't need to. Really. Sometimes you only try to make everyone happy or to be like they want you to be. Only because you're afraid they wouldn't like you anymore. But let me tell you this. Everyone who really likes you, likes you how you are and that won't change! So don't always worry how people could take some words from you and stop apologizing!”

I stared at my shoes, a little embarrassed.

Fuma sighed again. “Anyways... I think we should talk to them tomorrow. We should visit them at home.”

Glad, that he changed the topic, I agreed. “Yeah, but we should do it alone. Let's say... I'm going to visit Sou-chan and you'll visit Mari-chan.”

Fuma smiled and nodded. “Ok then let's go. Or Shori will wonder why we aren't coming.”

I looked around and really, Shori was gone. Fuma must've noticed my confused look and chuckled.

“He left because he had the feeling that we needed to talk alone.”

“Oh.” I wiped a strand out of my face, trying not to look at Fuma.

“Don't you dare to make yourself reproaches.” he said firmly. But then he chuckled and pulled me with him. I smiled and we went to the dressing room.

When the three of us were at the entrance of the agency, ready to leave I noticed that I forgot my shoes inside. I said “Goodbye” to the others and turned again to get them.

Back in the dressing room I grabbed my shoes and turned around when I suddenly heard a sobbing. Confused I looked around. Fuma and Shori were gone and Marius and Sou were still practicing, weren't they?

That was when I saw Sou, curled in one corner of the room, hugging his knees, face buried in them, crying.

I stepped a little closer, asking gently “Sou? What happened?” while kneeling down next to him.

The sobbing stopped. He raised his head slowly, looking at me with wide eyes and totally distraught. I stopped breathing for a second. I'd never seen him like this before.

“Sou? Is everything okay? Do you... want to talk about it?”

Instead of an answer Sou pressed his hands against his forehead making a face full of pain. I laid my hand gently on his shoulder, uncertain what to do. It hurted to see him like this.

He flinched back, like my hand was hurting him. Suddenly, Sou jumped up and ran away.

“Sou! Wait!” I shouted after him but he had already disappeared.

“What was this?” I murmured to myself. Now I was really worried.

“Huh?” There was something lying next to the place where Sou had been sitting. I took it and touched at the display. I really wanted to help him, so he wouldn't mind if I was looking if maybe there was a hint in his messages or such.

But what I saw on the display surprised me a little. It seems like Sou had recorded something, before I came in. All in all there were four recordings. Curiously I touched the first one.

I could hear Sous’ voice, first saying something about where he was, what time it was and that he would record his voice every day from now on, to prove if Johnny-san was really right. When he said that he didn't hope so, his voice became slightly shaky.

I frowned.

After a moment of silence he began to sing “Real Sexy”. He even sang our solo lines. His voice was so beautiful that I hoped with all my heart that he'd have a solo song in future too.

But what was that with Johnny-san?

I listened to the next one. It was from the same date. Monday.

It continued the same way. He said where he was and that it was evening. He also said that he had spoken with Mari-chan and that Johnny maybe was right. Now his voice was shaking even more.

Again he sang “Real Sexy”. I frowned.

Something in his voice was different. When he spoke I didn't noticed it that much. But when he sang I noticed that it couldn't be just a cold or something like that. His voice had become... higher. But I still couldn't believe it. I shook my head wondering if there maybe was something with my ears.

Then I touched the recording from Tuesday.

It was just like the other ones. Only that he talked hesitantly about that thing with Johnny. When he said “Tomorrow we've to-” he interrupted himself, letting out a little gasp. After a few seconds of silence where I could only hear him breathing hardly, like he was in pain, he cleared his throat. Then he sang again, but this time his voice was shaky.

Now I was sure. I wasn't imagining things. His voice really became higher. But why? I frowned.

I could understand that he doesn't like talking about things like that, because he was so happy that his voice got deeper the last months but still... I wouldn't have made fun of him and he knew that.

And what did this have to do with Marius?

A little hesitantly I touched the last recording.

“This is Matsushima Sou.” God, his voice was clearly higher than it was at Monday. And that wasn't an effect of that it was a little shaky.

“It's Wednesday and I'm at our dressing room inside of the agency. We told the others something about dance practice. I hope they believed us. Otherwise-”

He interrupted himself and continued. “So... I think there's no doubt that Johnny said the truth.” His voice got even shakier. But he continued talking, although his voice was very quiet now. “I'm afraid. I'm afraid of what will happen to us... to Mari-chan. I...I don't know if I can stand this, but I have to be strong. For Mari-chans’ sake.” It sounded like he was suppressing a sob. “I should hurry now. Mari is waiting.”

And then he started singing again. I couldn't understand most of the words from the lyrics because his voice was so shaky and he sobbed sometimes.

After twenty seconds or such he started to sob so hardly that he couldn't continue singing. It tore up my heart to hear him cry. Then the recording stopped. A moment I only stood there, with Sou-chans’ mobile in my hand, paralyzed.

I realized four things:

1\. Sou-chans voice had become higher

2\. Johnny had something to do with this

3\. Sou didn't want us to notice

4\. It wasn't something he did voluntarily

 

But what did Mari-chan have to do with this? And why didn't he want us to notice?

I wondered what I should do now. If Sou didn't want us to know it was better not let him notice that I knew. No, I would wait until Fuma had talked with Marius. Depending on what he'll find out, I'll tell him what I found out. Maybe I would talk to Sou too. And then... Yeah, it seemed to be unavoidable that we had to talk to Johnny.

God, this really gave me a headache. After sending the recordings to my mobile I put Sous’ on the floor where I had found it, grabbed my things and with a big sigh I went out of the room.

 

Sou POV

 

Kento shouted after me but I didn't react.  
Anyways, what should I've told him? I hoped with all my heart he didn't notice.  
Didn't notice that a strong pain spread through my body, making me all numb.   
Didn't notice the reason  I cried. Didn't notice that I recorded-

_Oh shit._

I forgot my mobile in the room. The room Kento still was in. But I couldn't go back! We were already late and Kento was there.

So I decided to hope. Hope that he wouldn't search for a reason, why he found me crying. But how I knew Kento he already had my mobile in his hand, just trying to help me and make me happy again. All I could do now was wait. Wait and hope.

I didn't want to imagine what would happen if he'd go to Johnny. What Johnny would do to him.

I shook my head, cursing myself for being so foolish.

Without noticing I already was near the place where I told Mari-chan to wait.

I stopped and tried to slow my breath down. I wiped the last traces of my tears out of my face. I took a deep breath and made myself smile encouraged.

Marius needed me to be strong.

I went around the corner, seeing Marius, biting his lip in nervousness.

“I don't want to...” He whispered.

I took his hand, squeezing it slightly. “We have to. For the others sake.”

He nodded.

I sighed. “Let's go.”

Together we went to Johnny's office. To our personal hell.

Fuma POV

Marius seemed surprised when I stood outside of his house at Thursday. I had promised Kento that I would talk to him as soon as I had time, and now I was here to ask Marius about why he was acting so weird the last few days.  
“Hey Mari-chan!” I greeted him and smiled my best smile. “Can I come in?” I tried not to let him notice about my worries. I wasn’t sure how he would react and I didn’t want to get a door knocked into my face.  
“Sure.” Marius said with a confused face. “Did anything happen? You don’t usually visit without telling me before.”  
I stepped inside and shook my head. “Let’s go upstairs, shall we? I don’t want to talk to you here.”  
Marius still looked confused but straight went to his room with me.  
“So… What is it? What happened?” he said as he led me in and closed the door.   
I wasn’t sure what to say, so my voice sounded slightly unsure.  
“Well… I don’t know _what_ is wrong. That’s why I’m here. You and Sou are acting so weird since a few days and Kento and I are worrying about you… And, even if you don’t want to tell me, I want you to know that I am here for you, and so is Kento. Well, maybe you rather want to talk to him, since his advice is way better than mine…” I laughed nervously, impatient to get an answer from my band mate.  
“Fuma, I…” Marius raised a hand to his forehead and pulled a painful face.

“Is… everything okay?” I asked, uncertain if I had said something wrong. “You don’t have to tell me if…“ while I was taking a step forward to pat his shoulder, I tripped over a little pile of books. Trying to gain back my balance, I pulled down a curtain.   
“Oh, I’m sorry!” I hurried and stood up to hang it back up, but then I hesitated.  
Little marks were drawn on a piece of wall that was exposed, now that the curtain was gone.  
Of course, it was normal to do so, especially if you grew as fast as Marius grew over the last few months, but… the newest marks looked weird…  
They were lower than the ones Marius had done a few weeks ago.  
“Did you… shrink?” I asked with my eyes wide opened. When I was finally able to avert my eyes from the wall and turned back to look at Marius, I saw him kneeling on the ground, face hiding in his hands.  
“Fuma!” he yelled, clearly suppressing to scream at me.  
“Stop… talking about that!” he gasped and I was totally paralyzed. I would understand if it was embarrassing for him, since he was bragging about his height all the time. But why was he shrinking anyways? And why was it so painful for him to talk about it?  
I kept my mouth shut and sat down beneath Marius to lay an arm around him. He looked so hurt that I decided to not talk about his height again.  
“Are you… okay now?” I asked when his breathing had become slower and he seemed more relaxed again.  
“Yes, but please, let’s change the topic. I’m sorry, I just _can’t_ talk about that now.” His face still seemed pale and all I wanted to do was comforting him. But I was too confused myself to do anything. And despite that, I really wanted to know what was going on now.   
“Should I… go then?” I wanted to help Marius, he was my friend after all, but I had always been unsure in situations like these.  
His answer startled me a little.  
“No.” his voice suddenly sounded very convinced, before he started stuttering again. “I mean… If you want to go… But I don’t want to be alone… So, if you would like to stay…”  
I didn’t need to hear more so I just held him in my arms again.   
Loose lips sink ships, so I just kept quiet for the rest of the time I stayed there.  
Sometimes, staying silent and just _be there_ for people is better than making them feel insecure by talking permanently. 


	4. Chapter 4

Fuma POV

I hadn’t asked any more questions for the time I was with Marius. Despite that I wanted to help him, I also did not want to hurt him. And apparently asking or even _talking_ about this height thing was hurting him, so I kept my mouth shut.   
“I’ll go home then.” I said when he had seemed to calm down a bit. I wasn’t sure if he didn’t want to speak or if he still couldn’t, but he just nodded at me and a tired smile flashed over his lips.  
And I couldn’t help it, but worry the whole time. I didn’t know what exactly was going on, so my mind kept imagining the weirdest, creepiest and worst things. I rolled around in my bed the whole night, not able to sleep a wink. I tried my best to keep calm and tell myself that it was probably just a little problem, that it wasn’t anything I had to worry about. But I could feel that something was wrong, that Marius was suffering, and that made want to help him, no matter what would happen.  
The next day, I went to see Kento to hear what he had found out about Sou. I could barely keep walking, I felt drained as I never did before.  
Kento seemed worried too when I came into his house. He just greeted me quickly and then walked into his room. I followed him and closed the door behind me, preparing for the worst, since he didn’t seem to feel better than me. There must have been something wrong with Sou, too.  
“So… did you talk to Sou?” I asked and took place on his bed. Kento nodded, frowning as he gave an answer.   
“He didn’t want to talk to me though. How about Marius?”  
I was a bit confused by Kento. I had thought he would tell me every detail, reinterpreting everything and already making plans on how to go on. I thought for a second, but then I guessed he was just too worried and confused himself to give me a clear answer.  
“Well… I couldn’t really talk to him.” I admitted. “But it seems that his height has changed… You know how he had grown so much, right? And, purely by chance, I saw that he had made marks on his wall, checking his growth. It looked normal at first… but the dates seemed weird. Apparently Mari has shrunk again. But not just that… when I asked him about that… He was in pain. And I mean _real_ pain. He couldn’t even stand anymore, so I didn’t dare to ask anymore…” my voice faded as I thought of how miserable Mari had looked the previous evening.  
Kento just nodded silently and his mind seemed to be somewhere else.  
I was sure, he was hiding something from me. If he didn’t, he would ask more about Mari or he would scold me for not investigating good enough.  
“Are you… sure that you don’t want to say anything else?” I asked carefully. I knew Kento, and even though he was my best friend, it wasn’t unusual for him to keep secrets if he thought I shouldn’t know the truth.  
Kento kept silent, so I tried again.  
“Come on, you have to tell me.” I slid closer to him to put a hand on his shoulder. “I don’t know what you’re thinking right now, but I want to help. And I can’t do so if you don’t tell me what _you_ know.” I tried convincing him with my eyes, which seemed to work.  
“Fuma, I… I’m not sure if I can tell you. It seems dangerous, and I don’t want you to get involved into things like that… I mean, I can handle this alone, ok?” his voice was quiet, almost sounding like an apology. He had looked down while talking but now he raised his head to look at me again. I raised my eyebrows and slowly shook my head.  
“You know you can’t expect me to leave you alone with that? You better tell me what you found out or I will go to Sou and ask him myself.” A shiver went down my spine when I thought of Sou being in the same pain Mari had been. “Now, will you tell me what happened?” I asked and Kento sighed loudly.  
“Well…” he began lowering his eyes again. “Sou’s voice has changed. Just like Mari’s height, it has regressed. And I’m not really sure _why_ , but from what I got, it has something to do with Johnny-san.” Kento paused for a second before he started talking again. “And you probably realized, too… They wanted to keep it a secret from us, for whatever reason. Fuma…” Kento suddenly sobbed and looked at me with teary eyes. “I’m afraid it is something they don’t do voluntarily. They seem so... empty recently, don’t they?” He shook his head and took a deep breath, making his following words seem strong and convinced again. “We will go to Johnny and talk to him. We have evidence, so he can’t bundle us away. Are you okay with that?”   
I looked at him with big eyes, confused by how fast his mood had changed in the last few minutes, but then I nodded.  
If I wouldn’t help him, Kento would do all of this alone. And since I didn’t know how dangerous this all _really_ was, it was better to follow his plans.

On the same day, after dance practice, we went to the part of the agency building the management was in. We walked in, stopping in front of the last door we had to go trough to talk to Johnny-san’s secretary.   
“Are you ready?” Kento asked, already raising his hand to knock on the door.  
“Sure.” I nodded.  
Three quick knocks resounded in my ears as we stood and waited for an answer from inside.

 

Kento POV

I still wasn't happy to get Fuma involved into this but somehow I was glad that I wasn't alone too. And somehow I managed my hand not to shake while I knocked on the door of Johnny-san’s office. For Mari-chan's and Sou-chan's sake I had to be strong.  
“Come in please.” I heard the friendly voice of his secretary.  
I pushed the door open and we entered. Fuma already opened his mouth to say something but I cut him off immediately, knowing he would _definitely_ say something wrong, blurting it out directly.  
We really had to be careful.  
“We wanted to ask if we could talk with Johnny-san, please.” I gave a bright smile to her, knowing she had a weakness for it. With a bit of luck...  
“S-sure. I'll see what I can do for you.” she replied, her cheeks blushing slightly. “Yes, I think he has some time for you. Let's see...one and a half hour. This is the most I can do for you. Is it okay?”  
“Yes, perfect. Thank you.” I smiled again.  
“Please take a seat, while I tell him that you're here.”  
We sat down and I whispered to Fuma. “I think it would be good if I'm talking to Johnny okay?”  
“Yeah I know. Because I'm so stupid I would say only the wrong things and that would destroy everything, right?” he grumbled.  
“I didn't mean it like this!” I did. But I wouldn't tell him. So I asked, already knowing the answer:  
“Do you want to talk to Johnny?”  
He sighed. “No. To be honest, this thing makes me feel afraid of him... So I think you should talk to him.”  
“It's okay. I'm sure it'll be nothing bad.”  
Fuma didn't look convinced and to be honest, I couldn't even convince myself.  
After a few moments of silence between us, only interrupted by the speaking of the secretary in her phone, she raised her look saying: “You can go in now. He's awaiting you.” She smiled.  
“Thank you.” I smiled back. Fuma groaned quietly.  
Then we went in. Johnny sat at his desk, reading something like always. When we came in he looked up.  
Normally his smile seemed warm to me but now... A shiver ran down my spine.  
“How can I help you?” he asked friendly.  
“Er...uhm...” I wasn't so sure anymore if that was a good idea but now there was no going back. We had to do this for Sou and Marius. “You know...We are here because we wanted to talk about Marius and Sou.”  
“Really?” He didn’t seem surprised. I didn't know if that was good or bad. Probably bad.  
“They seem so weird in the last days...First we didn't know why, but we were worried so we decided to talk to them. We found out that...” I hesitated.  
“That _what_?”  
Now or never. “You know...Mari's height has changed. He shrunk. And Sou's voice started to get higher again. And...it has something to do with you, right?”  
Johnny's eyes narrowed a moment but then he smiled. Smiled in a dangerous way.  
“So you found out. That was quicker than expected...And I thought I wouldn't have to do that...But first, how did you found out? Did they tell you?”  
I didn't want to tell him everything, but because it was Johnny I had to. “No... not really...as I said we wanted to talk to them and ask them what was up. When I found Sou he was in our dressing room. He didn't say anything, he just ran away when I asked him if he wants to talk. Because he forgot his mobile I found out that his voice has changed and that it had something to do with you. And Fuma went to Marius and discovered his height has changed, because of some marks he discovered by chance. But why does this happen?”  
Johnny laughed a bit. Then his face became serious again and his glare made me flinch a bit.  
“Now you know too much so I can tell you anyway.”  
“Tell us what?” Fuma snapped. I pushed my elbow into his side. Seriously! That wasn't the right moment to get aggressive.  
“Patience, Kikuchi-kun.” He warned Fuma. “It was always your weakness, wasn't it?”  
Fuma kept quiet.  
“So...then I'll tell you what has it to do with this. Though I wish I wouldn’t have to do that. But it's your own fault. And maybe the fault of our two young lovely boys. You know they matured a lot recently. But the reason why I put you, Sexy Zone, in this formation together is, that I want to have some grown-ups and some childish cute boys together in one band. Until now that was the case. But then, unfortunately Yo-san and Matsushima-san began to change. If I hadn't stopped it, it would've destroyed everything. I saw that coming, that's why I kept you three in the public eye so most of the fans wouldn't notice the changing so much.”  
“That's cruel!” I couldn't help but shout it out loud.  
“I know.” he nodded “But sometimes you have to be like that, so that you can reach your aim.”  
I wanted to say something but he cut me off.  
“Anyway, that's not what I want to tell you, so please listen. But with that I couldn't stop them from growing. I thought a lot of what I could do to keep them cute and childish. I engaged a lot of scientist and chemists to think of something. Finally they invented a serum that stops maturing and lets your body become younger. It's not free of side effects but they're strong enough to bear it.”  
“What?!” I couldn't believe it. He was seriously treating them with untested chemicals.  
“You're not doing that, are you? That's misanthropically!”  
“Calm down Nakajima-kun! However you can't do anything against it! Let me show you something.”  
I gulped my anger down, knowing that anger would be totally useless in this case.  
Johnny stood up and went to a part of the wall. I frowned.  
He raised his hand, typing something directly _on_ the wall. Suddenly the wall disappeared and a door came in our sight. He opened it, indicating us to come closer. While we carefully stepped aside him he explained: “I told Marius and Sou not to tell anyone in every thinkable way of that and though they promised me they did and broke their promise. Though it wasn't on purpose. But a promise is a promise. They know the punishment very well but you...”  
“What is it?” Fuma sounded breathlessly.  
Johnny raised his eyebrow. “Don't you already have an idea?”  
We shook our heads, although we both imagined something.  
“So I have to tell you. How annoying... Today is a therapy day. Look.” He pointed at the glass door that was behind him. We carefully threw a look and saw a completely chromed room with shelves full of... Yeah... colorful bubbling liquids. In the room were a lot of scientists standing around two tables. On the tables... “No.” I whispered horrified. He _really_ was serious.  
Probably at the same time, Fuma spotted them too. He ran towards the glass door, bumping into it and trying to open it. Again and again.  
“Hopeless...” Johnny sighed.  
“Why? Why are you doing this? That's so cruel! Please Johnny-san! I beg you! Let them go! The fans love them how they are so please stop doing this!” I begged while I kneeled on the floor.  
“I'm sorry but I can't.”  
I could hear the amused smile in his voice. I closed my eyes in resignation.  
“Get up. It has no use to kneel on the floor. It only makes me feel worse.” Johnny said.  
After getting up I turned to Fuma who was still trying to open the door somehow. He ended up with throwing himself against the door again and again. I looked inside the room, suddenly seeing Sou opening his eyes. He spotted Fuma and his expression went from resignation and fear to a terrified expression. He stared at us with wide eyes, forming a word with his mouth. I could clearly see that it was “No”. In the end he seemed to scream it, trying to get rid of the chains that were holding him on the table. Someone injected him something and he fell down, totally weak his eyes still wide. That was too much for Fuma. Before I even realized it, he had attacked Johnny with a loud scream.  
“Fuma! Fuma stop!” I shouted, because I knew it would be of no use. I had the urge to punch Johnny too but I knew it was the worst we could do.  
Like from nowhere a lot of bodyguards came, holding me and Fuma tightly, so we couldn't escape. Fuma was still struggling but when one of them turned his arms on the back he pulled a face of pain and stopped fighting against them.  
Johnny got up and sighed. “Why are you always so emotional Fuma? So... your punishment... You’ll have to watch them undergoing the therapy.” He pointed at Marius and Sou, who were still looking at us with wide eyes.  
“And... there'll be a little physical punishment for you too. Marius and Sou have to watch it too. So please... enjoy the show!”  
With that words he gave a wink to his bodyguards who opened the door like it was nothing and brought us to a wall where they chained us.  
Someone injected us something and suddenly I couldn't move. I could only look at the tables with Mari-chan and Sou-chan.  
No, that couldn't be true! It couldn't be!  
That was when Johnny returned into his office, leaving us alone. Alone with the scientists in this horrible room.

 

Fuma POV

The door closed as we were chained onto the wall in this weird kind of laboratory. I felt numb because of whatever they had injected us just now, but a little pain was still throbbing in my arms from trying to open that door a moment ago. I didn’t understand at all how Kento could have stood there, not helping me with the door, but now I realized how stupid that had been.  
 _Of course_ Johnny would have used a door that wasn’t easy to open up.  
 _Of course_ he would have thought that I wouldn’t stand still at this terrible sight that had opened up to us.  
And _of course_ he would have done all kinds of safety arrangements, because he knew that it was also dangerous for himself.  
I blinked slowly, not able to move the rest of my body and looked around the room. I had focused completely on Mari-chan and Sou-chan before, but now I had my head free to realize some other things.  
Directly in front of me were the two tables. Sou-chans eyes were still opened wide, but his body seemed relaxed, as if he was sleeping. I was afraid he was dead for a moment but I quickly erased that thought from my mind, not even Johnny’s scientists would do something like that. My eyes wandered around a bit more, seeing syringes, weird liquids and the scientists that had gathered and were now silently discussing something. Since I couldn’t move my head, I could not look at Kento, whose presence I could still feel next to me.  
What was he thinking? Knowing Kento, I thought that he had probably thought of a plan on how to get out of here already. But anyways, he couldn’t tell me, he couldn’t even signalize me that he _had_ a plan.  
So I just continued trying to think of something myself, until one of the scientists turned around and walked towards us. The others got closer to the tables my band mates were still lying at. I could see that Sou was blinking again already, seeming as if he wasn’t able to move the rest of his body yet.  
“Have fun watching.” The scientist grunted as he pulled me up by my shoulders and then went off to do the same with Kento.   
My body started to feel less numb, so I turned my head sideways really slowly to look at Kento. His eyes were opened wide from shock and his pupils were dilated a lot. He didn’t seem to realize me staring at him and since I wasn’t able to make a sound I turned my head back again. But what I saw made me want to get off these chains and punch these scientists straight in the face. Marius and Sou had woken up completely, and while one of Johnny’s little helpers was covering their mouths, the other one was preparing a syringe and then shove them up their arms ruggedly.  
I tried telling them to stop, but I couldn’t manage to get even the slightest sound out of my mouth. Everything I could hear were Sou-chan’s and Mari-chan’s suppressed screams, the screams that would probably haunt me for the rest of my life. Again, I tried moving my arms, but the movement only made me struggle and fall down, having the chains cutting through my skin. I heard a sigh beneath me and the scientist came to pull me up again, more roughly this time.

“Don’t move.” He said, grabbing my hair to make me look directly into his eyes. “It’s of no use, get it?” he let go and my head bumped onto the wall behind me. I groaned a little, trying to blink away the fuzziness in my eyes. When my vision was clear again, I saw that they were done with the syringes, Marius and Sou, were crying silently, their whole body was shaking.   
“What…” I whispered as I found out that my voice was starting to come back. “What are you doing…?” I wasn’t sure if they could hear me since I wasn’t able to raise my voice to more than a slight whisper, but then the scientists turned around to look at me.  
“You’re able to talk already?” one of them said, then laughed in a really creepy way. “Let me explain this more detailed to you…” he made some excessive movements with his arms and then started talking after taking a deep breath. “As you already know, your two little friends shouldn’t be maturing anymore, right? And they promised us not to let anybody notice that we are helping them to do so. And what happens when you break a promise? Right, you’ll get punished!” he clapped his hands in excitement before he continued speaking. “And since you two are involved now, you’ll get punished too. I know, I know, you didn’t break any promises, but kids who are to curious and poke their noses into things they shouldn’t are the worst, therefore they shall be punished too!” The man came a bit closer and patted our heads. “But don’t worry. You don’t have to suffer as much as your little friends. Since their body has to change, we have to inject them this medicine. Of course, their body _knows_ that it isn’t something that should happen, so it tries getting rid of the foreign body. Fortunately, we were smart enough to make our medicine strong enough to stay in their bodies, but the fight is hard, and that’s why our poor patients will feel an almost unbearable pain. This only continues until their bodies are back at the point Johnny wants them to be, and after that we will inject only the medicine that will keep them like that, you understand? And that won’t hurt… at least not that much.” He laughed again, turning around to shake Mari-chan and Sou-chan at their shoulders.  
“Hey!” he yelled at them. “Time for you to wake up. And time for your curious friends to be punished.”

 

Sou POV

I slowly opened my eyes as I felt someone shaking on my shoulder.  
“…time for your curious friends to be punished.” Was the first thing I heard after waking up. I had to sort my thoughts but when I realized what these words meant, I opened my eyes in shock. Trying to stand up was impossible, since my legs and arms were still chained onto that table.  
“Don’t!” I screamed, forgetting about the pain that was still burning in my veins. “Don’t hurt them!”  
I looked around and saw the scientists carrying Kento and Fuma towards two chairs. They looked like they couldn’t move and the scientists just dragged them onto the chairs.  
“Oh god…” I whispered, not knowing what the cables on the chairs were supposed to do, but they just _looked_ scary enough already. “Kento-kun! Fuma-kun!” I yelled while feeling tears burning in my eyes. If they hurt them, it wouldn’t just be terrible to watch, but I would also feel responsible for their pain. If I would have been more careful, they would have never found out… And then they wouldn’t be here now.  
“Prepare them.” One of the scientists commanded in a cold voice and pointed at my band mates. The other scientists immediately went to them and attached the cables on their arms and legs.  
Fuma and Kento looked scared, but still didn’t move. I don’t know what they had injected them, but it sure was strong.

“We’ll start off with a few electric shocks!” the scientist announced as he turned a switch.  
I couldn’t say anything, but Kento and Fuma looked terrible. Their eyes were opened wide and a disgusting buzzing came from the cables. Their limbs started twitching and suddenly, even though they weren’t able to do anything before, the two of them started screaming their lungs out.  
I was so shocked that I wasn’t able to react at all. I felt terrible, not being able to avert my eyes from that horrible picture of my friends getting hurt so much.  
“Stop that…” A little whine came from my right. I turned my head to see Mari-chan having tears streaming over his face and weakly trying to free from his chains.  
“Mari-chan…” I said quietly. “It’s of no use.” I lowered my eyes, still hearing the screams from a moment before in my head.  
“Maybe… maybe if they see that we don’t care about them they will stop… So act emotionless, _please_.”  
I had problems doing so myself, but in the end we both managed at least not to beg them to stop or cry like a baby.  
It was still terrible, but the scientists seemed at least a little confused by our reaction.  
“Oh, that doesn’t make you worry, huh?” one of them asked as he came closer.  
“Well, should we try something more hurtful then?”


	5. Chapter 5

Sou POV

“Well, should we try something more hurtful then?”  
Even with having controlled all my emotions until now, I wasn’t able to do so anymore.  
“No!” I yelled, still trying to get rid of the chains.  
“Please don’t hurt them anymore!” Mari-chan whined from the side and I heard his chains chinking as much as mine.  
“Shh, shh, my little ones.” The scientist came even closer and patted my head. “You need to learn your lesson. Otherwise you might try telling our secrets again, am I right?”  
I gave him an angry stare, but he just went on to Mari-chan.  
“You understand that too, don’t you?” he stretched out his arm to pat him also, but Marius was faster. He turned around as much as he could, quickly moved his head to bite the scientist in the hand.  
“Ouch!” he pulled his hand away, staring at it in disbelief. Only a second later, he threw back his arm, getting all the strength he could and punched Mari in the face. My friend whined a little, but managed to harden his face again to show the scientist he was proud of his work. Marius had never surprised me that much, I would have never dared to imagine him doing something like this.  
“Are you out of your mind?” Another scientist came from the back and laid his hand on the other’s shoulder. “You know what Johnny-san said! No visible bruises! Not only their parents, but also their fans will notice!” his face became more panicky with every second. The other scientist just turned around and answered with a cold and controlled voice.  
“That old man won’t notice. Don’t be such a sissy. These little brats need to get some respect.”   
His pace fastened as he went to get a syringe filled with something yellow. The liquids he had injected us had been blue and red, so I knew what he wanted to do even before he told us.  
“But he’s right.” The man began. “Hurting _you_ won’t get us anywhere.” He laughed and turned to our oldest band members.  
“But hurting _them_ instead…”  
My brain was too busy with realizing what had happened the past few minutes, so I could just stare and watch as he got closer to Fuma, holding the syringe up defiantly.  
“Sou-chan…” Fuma’s voice resounded hoarse in my ears, he was still breathing heavily from his screaming. “It’s okay.” He said and a tired smile flashed over his lips.  
My eyes filled with tears at his words. At that exact moment, I wasn’t able to take it anymore.   
It was _my_ fault that Fuma and Kento were sitting here.  
It was _my_ fault that they were being hurt, humiliated and tortured now.  
And now Fuma was telling me that it was _okay_?  
“No,  Fuma!” I yelled, having hot tears streaming down my face. “Don’t say that! Don’t accept these horrible things! It’s enough that Marius and I have to  undergo all this pain, but you two…” my voice cracked and I turned my body so I could look at the scientist.  
“ _Please…_ ” I begged, lowering my eyes. “I will take all the pain,  but spare them!” I pressed my eyelids together and only opened them when I heard the man flicking his tongue.  
“Aw, you’re so cute.” He whispered and then laughed tauntingly. “Even though you’re conviction is admirable, we can’t do that. Seeing them being hurt seems to be really painful for you two, so that’s the best way I guess.” He shrugged and then concentrated his attention on Fuma again.  
My older band mate just sat there, looking tired as I had never seen him before. Tired, but accepting what was happening. The scientist pushed the syringe up Fuma’s veins, and I could see the shock in his eyes. It was clearly visible that Fuma was trying to control his emotions, but he was probably feeling the same as Mari and me, having his blood pounding hurtful through his body.  
But somehow Fuma managed to not make a sound. It was hard for him though, the sweat was running down his face, making his hair cling to his temples.  
I couldn’t stand to watch him suppressing his feelings like that, _suppressing his feelings for the sake of Mari-chan and me_ , so I averted my eyes. My glimpse met my other band mate, Kento, having his look pinned onto Fuma’s face. Kento looked almost like a statue, like his face had been like this forever. The moment I looked at his face would be burnt into my mind; I had never seen an expression as scared, horrified, but also as bitter and furious as this.  
On one side, Kento looked like a little child that would scream for his mother every second, but looking more closely, his eyes were filled with so much hate that he would easily pass as a mass murderer.   
After the syringe was emptied, the scientist went to get another one. Fuma’s chest was raising and lowering quickly, his eyes were closed and his face looked almost white.  
I still couldn’t stand watching him like this, so my eyes followed the man who was going towards Kento.   
Kento didn’t seem to care tough, his eyes were still following every movement Fuma made. But now his face was full of pity.  
Maybe it was my imagination, but I could swear Kento tried to raise his hand weakly to reach out for Fuma, but then he realized that there were still chains holding him back from doing so.  
After a while Kento seemed to realize that Fuma’s breathing was getting slower again, and his face seemed more painless with every passing minute.  
So he turned his head to the scientist and gave him a confused look.  
“Why don’t you give me the injection already?” he asked with a trembling voice.  
“Oh.” The scientist gave back with a smile. “I wanted your friend to be able to watch you, too. Your expression was priceless, and I’m interested to see how his will turn out to be.”  
I had to close my eyes. I just couldn’t stand that much malice. These scientists were pure evil, why did they want to hurt us that much?  
“Ok, he seems fine now.” I opened my eyes when I heard this, just in the second the man shoved the syringe up Kento’s arm.  
He kept calm at first, closing and opening his fist to control himself, but then his expression changed. Kento’s eyes opened and his look wandered panicky through the room until he found me. Every centimeter of his face screamed _help_ and his eyes widened even more. He was definitely doing the same as Fuma, trying to keep silent until the pain would vanish, but Kento couldn’t stand it for that long.  
Even though it was only a little whimper that escaped out of his mouth, I could feel all his pain through that short sound.  
I forced myself to break our eye contact and looked at Fuma.  
He was still drenched in sweat, but he didn’t seem to care for his own pain anymore.   
He kept looking at Kento, but I couldn’t see any emotion in his face. Fuma’s eyes seemed dead, and his stare was blank.   
After a few more horrible minutes it was over. Kento had been suffering as much as Fuma, they both looked as pale as a dead body now.  
I kept silent, even though I wanted to apologize. I was so shocked that I couldn’t get myself to make any kind of sound, but I promised myself that I would apologize right away if we got out of this hell…

 

Marius POV

I didn't know when I had decided to keep saying to myself that this wasn't real.  
Because then it was easier to stand. To stand all the screams and the desperately crying Sou. To stand watching all of them suffering so much.  
It _seemed_ all so surreal. So I kept saying to myself that it just _wasn't_ real. I nearly believed that I would wake up every second from that terrible dream. Wake up from the nightmare which was just too painful. Wake up to see Fuma and Kento smile again. Wake up to hear Sou-chan's happy voice again.  
But deep in my heart I knew that I wouldn't wake up. There was nothing to wake up from. This wasn't a dream – this was the brutal reality.  
In that moment I felt something inside of me break apart. I felt like totally losing control about my own life. Like a part of it was destroyed. Forever.  
Like I wouldn't be able to see all these persons in the same way like I saw them before.  
On one side it made me feel totally helpless but on the other side it filled me with anger and a desire for revenge I had never felt before.  
It made me want to kill all these stupid people who were hurting Fuma and Kento.  
And I only cried. The tears were streaming down my cheeks like an unstoppable waterfall.  
Tears of anger. Despair. Fear. And tears of pain.  
I cried because of my destroyed life. Cried because it hurted so much to see my older band mates suffering. Cried because Sou cried and I hated that. Just cried because of everything...and because of myself.  
The next minutes passed by like it was a dream.  
After the “punishment” they opened our chains. We jumped on our feet running towards Kento and Fuma.  
They got up too but didn't look like they could walk more than a few steps. Fuma looked like he would collapse any moment and Kento was as pale as I never saw him before. Sou just went over to Kento, hugging him tight, crying silently. I went over to Fuma, hugging him too. His whole body was shaking. If we weren't still in this place I would have held him forever.  
The scientists opened the door for us, smiling and wishing us a beautiful day. I glared at them, spitting on the ground.  
Fuma laid his hand on my shoulder whispering: “It's okay. Let's just get out of here.”  
I nodded, avoiding his eyes. It _wasn't_ okay. I was to blame that he was here. Without me would've never experienced this kind of pain. It just made me feel so guilty.  
Ignoring the scientists we went through the door, just to see Johnny-san waiting for us in his office. This nightmare seemed to have no ending.

“Welcome back!” He greeted us with a bright smile. Nobody answered. There wasn't anything to answer anyway.  
He sighed. “Don't look at me like this. _I'm_ not to blame.”  
Sou made a scornful sound but Johnny just continued.  
“I guess that experience wasn't like the birthday party of your best friend, was it?”  
He laughed. “I really hope you learned your lesson. And I don't think that you'll make the same mistake again, am I right?”  
“It won't happen again.” Sou murmured guiltily.  
Johnny smiled and nodded. “That's good.” He patted Sou's head. Sou flinched. With a little laughter Johnny continued: “But I think just saying it, is not enough. Though you broke your promise very fast I want you to promise it again. _All_ of you. Promise, that you won't tell anyone about what happened so far and what will happen. And you won't speak about the “maturing” of Matsushima-san and Yo-san to anyone. I need you to promise because I don't want you to tell it for example... Shori-kun.” I could hear the threat in his words clearly. A cold shudder went down my back.  
“Promise it.” Johnny's eyes narrowed. We nodded and murmured something like “Yes.”  
He shook his head disapprovingly, saying: “No. I want you to say it.”  
At first I could hear Kento, saying quietly, his voice still weak: “I promise it.”  
Fuma followed quickly. “I promise it.”  
“I promise, too.” Sou's voice was only a murmur.  
“I promise it, too.” I didn't cross my fingers or something. To be honest I swore it to myself that I'd do everything to keep it a secret. Because I didn't want to see someone suffering so much because of me again.  
“Good.” Johnny smiled. “One thing done. What's next? Ah yes. Give me your phones, please.”  
“What?” Sou asked with wide eyes. “No way!”  
“Just give them to me. And no contradiction.” His voice was cold.  
We handed them out to him reluctantly. First I could see him typing something on Kento's and Sou's phone, probably deleting the recordings. I was nearly sure that Kento sent them to his phone.  
Then he opened all of our phones, pinning something on the batteries. “What is that?” I couldn't hold myself back from asking.  
“This is a little chip.” he answered. Sou groaned, what caused a little smile flashing over Johnny’s lips. “It will notice if you try to write about it or record something that has to do with all of this.”  
He gave them back to us.  
“But I'm getting impolite.” He stepped aside, inviting us with a move of his hand to sit down on the sofas in his office. “There are some cookies and tea. Enjoy.”  
Fuma and Kento let themselves sink on the sofa immediately so Sou and I followed them.  
“I'm leaving now. I think you should stay here for a while until you're able to go home. And Sou, Marius. Remember you can speak about it freely in here, without the little chip in your neck hurting you. So use this ability if you want. Goodbye.” Johnny left the room.  
Directly after he was gone, Sou stood up, looking at his shoes, saying: “Kento-kun, Fuma-kun, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have recorded this. It's my fault. Please forgive me.”  
Then he bowed down as deep as he hadn't done a long time.  
I hurried to get on my own feet too. “I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have written dates on the marks. It's my fault too. Please forgive me.”  
I bowed down deeply too.  
We stayed like this a few, silent seconds. I could feel them looking at us. But I didn't raise my head, hoping they would say something. Then Kento cleared his throat.

 

Kento POV

When Marius and Sou bowed down in front of us, I looked at them a little perplexed. This wasn't their fault. I cleared my throat.  
“I...” While getting up I bowed down too.  
“I'm sorry too. This isn't your fault. It's mine. If I hadn't been so curious, taking Sou's phone and searching for something in it, we wouldn't be here now. I'm so sorry.” My voice got shakier and I cursed myself for it.  
“I'm sorry that I took your phone, Sou. And Fuma...” A tear ran over my cheek, falling down on the floor when I remembered the scientists hurting Fuma.  
“I'm so sorry. If I hadn't told you about that you wouldn't be here. I'm sorry for hurting you.” I bowed down deeper. I wished from the bottom of my heart that he would forgive me. If I weren't such an idiot he would've never experienced this pain. It has been the worst for me when I had to look at him while he was treated but I couldn't get myself to avert my eyes. That moment I felt like I could kill all of Johnny's scientists. And to be honest, for Fuma's sake I would've done it. Because it just hurted to see him suffering because of me.  
I felt my legs giving up. Suddenly there were arms around my waist, holding me upright.  
“You are such a stupid idiot.” I could feel the breeze of Fuma's whispered words at my neck.  
When he had helped me back on the sofa he turned to Marius and Sou. “And you sit down again too.”  
They did what he wanted but still had no eye contact with anyone.  
Fuma sighed. “Look at me.” His voice was strict. “Sou-chan, Mari-chan, Kento-kun listen. None of you, of us, is really to blame for anything. The one to blame is Johnny. So please stop feeling guilty!”  
“It's impossible.” It was only a whisper but I could hear that Sou was trying to hold back tears.  
“Then at least try it.” Fuma said softly. “I'm not blaming anyone of you because I _wanted_ to go with Kento and to help you two. I would've felt guiltier if I had left you alone.”  
Another tear escaped my eye, finding its way down my cheek.  
“Okay.” I whispered. “I'll give my best.” A small sob escaped my lips.  
I avoided any eye contact, feeling Fuma's gaze on me. “Well then... Should we go home?” Fuma asked gently.  
I nodded. We got up and left the office. After a murmured “Bye” we went our way.  
“I'll come with you. I'll stay at your house for a few hours.” Fuma said when we walked to the subway station. I nodded, glad that I wouldn't have to be alone.  
When we were at home we sat down on my bed. I couldn't help but apologizing again.  
“I'm sorry Fuma.”  
“It's okay.”  
“It's _not._ ” I sobbed. “I shouldn't have told you.”  
“Just stop talking like this. You know that's rubbish.” Fuma smiled at me with teary eyes, pulling me into a hug. And I just sobbed at his shoulder, wetting his t-shirt.  
When I had calmed down a bit Fuma suddenly asked: “What should we do now?”  
I thought a moment before answering hesitantly: “I think... it would be the best if we... just ignore them. Then it won't happen again and it would be less painful for them and... for us too.”  
Fuma nodded. “But I can't stand the thought of ignoring them. It's cruel.”  
“I know.” I sighed. Then another thought came to my mind. “What's with Shori? If he notices something...” I interrupted myself.  
“We just have to act completely normal when he's around.” Fuma answered.  
“Mhm...”  
“We'll make it through all of this” Fuma tried to sound positive but failed completely.  
My voice was shaky when I admitted: “I just _hate_ the fact that we can't help them.”  
Fuma nodded in resignation.

 

Sou POV

At first we kept quiet when we were going home. But after we had made half of our way, I decided to tell Mari-chan my thoughts.  
“Hey, Mari-chan.” I began and walked a bit slower. “Today was… horrible. Actually, it was the worst thing that could have happened.” I wanted to throw up when I thought of Fuma’s and Kento’s punishment. _Our_ punishment.  
But I quickly shook my head to get rid of these thoughts.  
“We can’t let that happen again.” I said, almost whispering, my voice trembling.  
“I know.” Marius’ voice was even weaker than my own and it sounded like he would break out in tears every second.  
“I think it will be the best to ignore them as much as possible.” I had problems forming my thoughts into words, I didn’t want to _ignore_ them like that, but I wanted to _protect_ them from the punishment, the fear and from all this suffering. I knew it wasn’t possible to shut them out from everything of this, and they would of course be worrying about us, but we should try to keep their worries at a minimum.  
“Sou-chan.” Mari stopped and looked at me with wide eyes. “You know that’s  not possible?” he laid a hand on my shoulder and his face hardened.  
“Did you forget about Shori?” There was an anxiety in his voice I had never heard before.  
“Shori would notice, he’s not stupid.” Marius shook his head and lowered his eyes.  
“And… we can’t do that to him.” His voice went down to almost a whisper again.  
“Shori… he’s the only one of us who can be truly happy when he’s on stage. He loves his profession and we can’t ruin it for him like that.” After a short pause he spoke up again, in a voice as quiet as I almost couldn’t hear it.  
“We have ruined it enough for the others.”  
“Mari-chan!” Now it was my turn to shake his shoulder, “That’s exactly why we shouldn’t be so depressed now. That would make it worse. For us _and_ for them. And about Shori… we’ll try to act normal when he’s around, ok?” I looked at him encouragingly and he nodded as an answer.  
“Thank you, Sou.” Arius suddenly said. I tilted my head questioningly, but my friend just pulled me into a hug.  
“I…” he sobbed. “I wouldn’t be able to stand all of this without you.” He hid his face at my shoulder and I heard him murmuring a little “Thank you” again.

 

 

Fuma POV

Of course Kento and I were worried. In fact, we had never been more worried about anyone in our whole life.  
But our worries led us to fear, which, on the other hand, led us to indiscretion. All we could think of was the pain Marius and Sou would have to bear if we did something. If we did _anything._ So all we did was trying to ignore them. It sounds harsh, but we were desperate and we didn’t know what else we could do without having our band mates suffer.  
And that wasn’t even the hardest part. Not making Marius and Sou suffer would have been possible, but at the same time we needed to make sure that Shori, who was still completely unaware of what was happening, wouldn’t notice anything of this.   
That’s why we had to juggle between the insecurities we had when we were with Marius and Sou, and the act of making it seem like an idyllic world when Shori showed up.  
“Hey.” I greeted my band mates when I came into the room our dance practice was in. I looked around to see that everyone was already there, and that meant that we all had to act normally again.  
“Fuma, you’re late!” Sou came up to me and gave me an angry look.   
“I’m sorry.” I tried to smile, but doing so was almost physically hurting me while looking at Sou. I tried my best anyways and scratched my head as I turned my face into an apologizing grin.  
“Yeah.” Shori crossed his arms. “Late, _again_.”   
I lowered my eyes and walked across the room.   
“I know, I know, I’m always late, can we just begin and not waste any more time?” The laughing that came out of my mouth sounded wrong. It was a laugh, indeed, but it wasn’t _my_ laugh. So I coughed and turned around again. The others didn’t seem to have noticed and energetically jumped into the middle of the room.  
Why were they all so good at acting?  
I was barely able to stand _looking_ at my friends, so how were _they_ able to make it seem like it was nothing?  
I had to gulp. My thinking needed to change. I shouldn’t ask myself _why_ they were so good at covering their feelings, but take them as my role models.  If even they could do it, I could, too.  
And I actually managed to do it. I concentrated on my dancing most of the time, avoided eye-contact as far as I could and tried to talk normally.  
Of course only four of us knew why we had to take more breaks than usual, and why Mari-chan’s dance steps seemed a bit clumsy again. Whenever Shori wasn’t looking my face switched from happy to worrying, from having fun to wanting to help my friends.  
“Okay… we’re done!” I announced when we were all stumbling towards our water bottles, completely exhausted and drenched in sweat.  
“We’ll… go then.” I heard Marius from behind me and as I turned around I could see the fear in his eyes. When he noticed my worried look a smile flashed over his face and he waved at us and dragged Sou out of the room with him.  
I felt like crying.   
These two boys were so _strong_. Knowing that they would have to stand all this pain in just a few minutes, they could still smile, for Shori, and for us.   
I felt my heart breaking apart at the thought of this, but at the same time it filled with respect and gratitude.


	6. Chapter 6

Shori POV

_What are they hiding from me?_ I thought almost every day. Did they really think I would buy their exaggerated act of being all happy? They were definitely acting, I could already tell by looking at their smiles. Not to speak of their superficial conversations.  
But, being afraid they would lie to me, I didn’t dare to ask what was wrong. And they probably wouldn’t tell me anyway. We had never kept secrets inside the band, sometimes we even sat down together to discuss our problems. So I hoped they would come to me if anything was seriously wrong, because I trusted them.  
I just acted with them most of the time, making them believe I was believing _them._ But on the inside, I felt terrible. Even though I waited for like an eternity it seemed, they still didn’t talk to me.  
It must be something serious, I thought. Something they didn’t want me to know.  
“You’re even more innocent than Mari-chan sometimes.” Fuma had told me once. “I couldn’t tell you any adult things, could I?” He had laughed and patted my head back then.  
I missed _that_ Fuma. The old Fuma…  
And I also missed the old Kento. The Kento who would help me, even with the tiniest mistakes I made, the mistakes only Kento noticed.  
But I also missed Sou-chan’s and Mari-chan’s old personalities. Their running around, giggling like two little girls. Their picking on me and even their little fights.  
At first I had told myself that Marius and Sou were just growing up, that they wouldn’t fool around as much anymore because they were becoming older.  
But then, Fuma and Kento had begun to act weirdly, too.  
That was when I started to pay more attention to their behavior. If they didn’t want to tell me what’s wrong, I would find out myself, I thought.  
And what I observed were quite a few things, actually.  
The most suspicious thing was that Mari and Sou went away right after dance practice. Usually, they would stay a bit longer and sometimes even go somewhere with us together. But they suddenly stopped doing so. That had started at the time when Fuma and Kento had been still acting normal, but I couldn’t leave this fact out of my observation.  
I remember Kento saying something like “I’m starting to worry about them, shutting themselves away so much.”  
Fuma and I had nodded in agreement that time, but I knew we would have tried to talk to them. _Normally_ we would have talked to them.  
But then, Kento and Fuma had started to act the same as Mari and Sou, so I was all alone with my worries now.  
Kento and Fuma had probably found out what was wrong with Marius and Sou, but why wouldn’t they tell me?  
If it was something serious or dangerous, they would tell me, right?  
And if it wasn’t, they would have done something to get Mari and Sou to being normal again, wouldn’t they?  
I was racking my brains with these thoughts every day, and I just couldn’t get to a believable conclusion.  
I started to be unable to sleep at night, worrying so much, rolling around in my bed and brooding about how I could help them.  
My band mates didn’t seem to notice my condition, which was getting worse and worse every time I saw them.  
They were too busy with keeping up their own act and making me believe everything was perfectly fine.  
But it wasn’t just me who got worse.  
My friends also became weirder every time I saw them. I could see the pain in their eyes when they looked at each other.  
I just couldn’t stand it anymore. I missed some dance practices on purpose, just because I thought I would cause them to have to act differently again, and because I probably would have broken down because of my lack of sleep.  
I lingered in my bed for a few days, telling my parents that I wasn’t feeling well, which actually wasn’t a lie.  
“But we should go and visit a doctor!” my sister insisted, but I shrugged her off every day.  
On the third day though, when I was lying in my bed again, unable to sleep, she came into my room and pulled me out of my bed to drag me into the kitchen.  
“Shori!” she looked at me angrily. “Either you go to doctor _or_ to school! But we can’t watch you getting sicker and sicker every day!”  
 _The doctor won’t be able to help me._ I thought and smiled at her a little as I shook my head.  
“I’ll go to school tomorrow again.” I nodded but didn’t think of school too much.  
It was more frightening to me that I had to talk to my band mates again.  
The next day, I dragged myself into school, barely talking to anyone. I hadn’t slept since almost a week now, and even the cold ground looked somewhat inviting to me.  
Luckily no one asked me what was wrong with me, so I just went home after school to get ready for dance practice.  
I thought about my band mates, if I should talk to them or not, if they would even answer me honestly or not.  
The less time there was until dance practice, the more nervous I got. My tiredness seemed to be gone completely when I stood in the dressing room. I hadn’t been able to wait any longer, and now I was the first one to be there.  
“Oh, hey Shori.” I heard a voice behind me and turned around. It was Marius. He smiled tiredly and waved his hand around a little, but his happiness didn’t reach his eyes like it always did.  
I couldn’t get myself to more than a little “Hey” before I turned around again.  
“Were you sick?” Mari suddenly asked and threw his bag next to mine.  
I nodded slightly, not making any eye-contact with him. I would probably ask him what was wrong right away if I did.  
But I had thought about it.  
I would try to talk to them after dance practice. I wouldn’t allow any excuses, they would have to answer me honestly.  
Mari tiptoed to hand up his jacket and…  
Wait.  
Tiptoed?  
The last time I had seen him he had an easy time reaching up there, and now he couldn’t. How was that possible?  
He seemed to notice me staring at his shoes and quickly normalized his posture again.  
“So, are you ok now?” he asked nervously. “You still look quite pale and… uhm… sick.”  
I blinked and looked up into his eyes. Well, I didn’t really have to look _up_ anymore, he was only a tiny bit taller than me.  
“Mari-chan…” I said quietly. “Have you… shrunk?” I blinked again, but quickly shook my head when I realized how stupid my words sounded.  
“Never mind.” I said and smiled as I patted his shoulder. “I’m probably hallucinating.”

 

Marius POV

 

The last week was probably the worst I've ever had.  
It was so difficult to act like everything was perfect when it obviously wasn't. But we had to keep Shori in his perfect world.  
If he would notice... I shook my head, wanting to get these thoughts away.  
Deep in thoughts I opened the door to our dressing room. When I saw Shori I gave my best to smile naturally but it felt like a totally fail. More because I just had the feeling I needed a topic to talk about to distract him of... other things.  
I asked if he was sick. He missed the last dance practices so I really worried a little about him. Although it was easier for us if he wasn't around, something had been missing when he wasn't there. When I got out of my jacket, wanting to put it onto the hall-stand I noticed that I couldn't reach it anymore. Trying to hold back the tears I felt in my eyes I tiptoed to hang my jacket on it.  
All the time I could feel Shori's gaze on me.  
Wait... I _tiptoed_. And Shori could _see_ it. _Oh shit._  
I quickly got down on my whole feet again, trying to find something to distract Shori.  
Finally, I couldn't think about something better and I just asked: “So, are you ok now? You still look quite pale and... uhm... sick.”  
I could see confusion in his eyes and I prayed with all my heart that he wouldn't ask _this_ one thing.  
“Mari-chan... Have you... shrunk?” There it was. The question I didn't want to hear again, but here it was. I couldn't move.  
I couldn't even find an excuse or say something. I just stared at Shori in shock. _No, please don’t.  
_ I couldn't understand what he was saying, feeling all numb but he patted my shoulder and just a minute later he seemed to have forgotten. I forced myself to act normal again and slowly unpacked my things.  
“Hey everyone!” Sou's grin seemed real but I could see this expression in his eyes. Eyes that had seen too much.  
I tried to smile back but it felt more like a grimace. I couldn't tell him what Shori had said. It would just pressure him. It'd be useless.  
So I kept quiet and pretended like nothing happened. This dance practice was even worse than the others. I couldn't erase the suspicion that Shori knew that something wasn't right.  
For example when Kento helped me with a dance step like he always did, and I never met his eyes or really looked at him. And _everyone_ could tell that Kento's smile was somehow... different from his usual. And all the time Shori was looking at us with some weird expression.

Late in the evening when I finally got home I threw myself on the bed and let out a big sigh. I needed something to let out all these thoughts and feelings or I would break under all this pressure. Because he had enough problems on his own I didn't want to tell Sou.  
In the end I just got myself a piece of paper and a pen and started to write. To my surprise it didn't hurt, I didn't even have headache.  
 _Maybe because I don't want to show it to someone._  
And I really didn't want to.  
I didn't want to cause more pain.  
And I wouldn't hide it somewhere because it totally doesn't matter how good the hiding place is – everything can be found. I decided to carry it everywhere with me while I folded it and put it into my pocket. Somehow I really felt better. It was like all that had pressured my heart lost some of its weight. Like the world seemed just a bit brighter than before.  
The first time for weeks I fell asleep with a hint of a smile on my lips.

 

The next day we had dance practice again because we would have a performance soon. _All_ of us. For the first time in my life I really wanted to skip a performance.  
Finally I managed to get myself ready.  
An hour later I walked into the agency, heading towards our dressing room. My hand felt for the letter and I let out a little sigh of relief when it was still there.  
When I entered our dressing room everyone was there, except Shori. Sou smiled weakly, saying: “Hey Mari-chan. Did you sleep well?” I nodded, smiling back. I turned my head, spotting Kento and Fuma who didn't even seem to notice that I was there. They had turned their back to us, totally ignoring us. When Shori entered we started to act normal, trying to create the atmosphere we usually had.  
I hoped that Shori would've forgotten but my hopes were destroyed when I saw this weird expression on his face every time he looked at us again.  
Later when dance practice was over and we packed our things, Shori asked all of sudden: “We didn't do something together for ages! I reserved a room in our favorite karaoke bar. Do you want to go?” He smiled at us and I could see that he really looked forward to it. But there was something else in his eyes too. Something like... curiosity?  
I tapped with my feet on Sou's and slightly shook my head. He nodded as if he had understood.  
This moment, Kento spoke up. “I'd love to go but I promised my mum to buy some things for her. Sorry. But you can go without me.” He smiled.  
“I'd love too but I have so much to do for university. I'm sorry but I can't go either.” Fuma said apologetic.  
“What's with you two?” Shori sounded a bit disappointed.  
“I'm sorry but I promised my mother to help her painting our living room”, Sou answered, avoiding eye-contact.  
“I can't either. I have so much homework left and my brother promised me to help but he can only help me today. I'll come with you next time, okay?” I said quietly.  
Kento and Fuma were already gone and Sou grabbed his things too, waved a goodbye and disappeared through the door. I hurried with grabbing my own things too. Shori cleared his throat. “Mari-chan? Can I ask you something?” He didn't wait for my answer and just continued.  
“You seem a little... I don't know how to say it... Recently you're so... fake. I want to know what's up. Now.”  
I flinched and quickly stuffed my last things in my bag. I looked at my watch, pretending to not have heard his question. “Oh damn it! I'm late for my train! I really have to go now. Bye Shori-kun!” I grabbed my bag, not daring to look at Shori and walked quickly out of the room. When I went through the door my jacket get caught at the doorhandle. I impatiently tugged it off and walked quickly away. Away from the dressing room. Away from Shori. Outside of the agency I started to run. It was not that I was late for my train, but I didn't want Shori to follow me.

I didn't notice that my letter was gone until I sat in the train, leaving the station. I searched in every pocket three or four times but it was definitely gone. I moaned, burying my face in my hands. _Now_ I had a problem. As someone wanted to confirm that I was right I started to get a headache. _That can't be. Oh please, don't let him find it._  
But I knew that it was too late.

 

Shori POV

I didn’t have much hope when I asked them, if they wanted to go to karaoke. Nevertheless I was disappointed when everyone found an excuse. I wanted to talk to them last time too, but they disappeared so fast and I didn't want to hold them back. So I decided to try it other way, but it seemed that they didn't want to spend more time with me than necessary. That hurted.  
I stared at the door, where Marius had stood just a few moments ago. Even Marius who had always been the one to talk to others about his problems first didn't want to talk to me.  
Only when I wanted to leave too, I noticed the folded piece of paper on the floor. It seemed like... a letter or something like this. I unfolded it curiously. Almost immediately I recognized the handwriting of Marius. I frowned and began to read.

 

_I'm writing this because I need something to share all of this with. I can't tell Sou because he has enough problems on his own._

_At first when Johnny told us, he would treat us so we become younger, I didn't believe him. But when I saw the puppies and this room... It hurted so much. Every damn treatment hurts so much. I never felt such a pain before. I don't know how I could bear this without Sou. Johnny threatened us that he would hurt the others if we'd tell anyone of this. And it hurted so much when someone asked and you thought about telling him. Now I almost learnt to live with this pain but it's still so horrible. It's like my whole life ended in a nightmare, like I lost control.  
At first I realized that we really became younger when I had the proofs. My marks on the wall and Sou's recordings.  
Then it started to get more obvious. Also Sou-chan and I weren't carefully enough and Fuma and Kento found out. When we were at a treatment again, they came into Johnny's office, trying to get us out of there. The whole time I prayed that this was a dream and they weren't really there. It was horrible to see Fuma going ape-shit and Kento kneeling on the floor, begging to Johnny-san to let us go.  
But it was useless and I knew that. The next hour was the worst in my life. It was an hour where I felt like my old life ended. Like nothing would be as it was again. There are no words to describe _ how _it was to see them suffer so much. I'll never forget the expression on Fuma's face he had when he saw Kento suffer. I'll never forget the expression on Kento's face he had when he saw Fuma suffer. But I admire them because they tried to not let us notice how much it hurted. And I'll never forget the screams that came out of their mouths. Sometimes I still hear them in my head. There's nothing in this world that is more horrible than going through all of this._  
 _In this hour my whole life broke completely into millions of pieces, leaving a picture of destruction and despair. Sou and I decided to ignore them, because we didn't want to cause more pain. It was worse enough to see them like this once. And we didn't want to let another person notice, especially Shori. So we decided to act like everything was perfect. But it was harder than expected. Every time I see the others it reminds me of this hour in Johnny's office._  
 _Ignoring them hurts too. Today it hurted so much when I came in the dressing room and only Sou  greeted me. Kento and Fuma turned their back to us, ignoring us completely. That hurted so much. I miss the times when Fuma and I fooled around. The times when Kento laughed about something Sou did (like playing a trick on Fuma). Even the times when Fuma and Sou were fighting. The times when everything was still perfect._  
 _I'm afraid that Shori will notice. I don't want him to go to Johnny. I don't want to see him suffer. I don't want to go through all of this again._  
 _Sometimes I wish I could just quit Johnny's and live a normal life again. I miss the times when I had so much fun on stage and with the others. Johnny made my time here become a never-ending nightmare. But now there's no way of leaving Johnny's Entertainment. And I still have a little hope that I can be happy again in this agency – one day. So I can do just one thing: I have to continue with all my strength. And I must get better in hiding all of this. For Shori's sake. For Kento's sake. For Fuma's sake. For my family's sake. And for Sou's sake. Sometimes I feel like I can't bear this any longer. Sometimes I just want to give up but I have to be there for him. He needs me now. There's no way of showing weakness. I'm the only one he can talk to and there's no way of leaving him alone. Somehow... we'll make it through this. I still believe in these words._  
 _And please don't let Shori notice. I couldn't bear it if Johnny-san does something to Shori-kun. I don't want to bear it. So please stay in your perfect world and don't let it become a nightmare. A nightmare  you can't wake up from…_

“What…” A whisper came out of my mouth.  
What was the meaning of all this? I read the letter multiple times, and I couldn’t hold back my own tears. They were acting like this because they wanted to _protect_ me.  
Oh god, how could I have been that stupid? They were my best friends, they wouldn’t keep secrets from me without any reason.  
I sank down on my knees and quickly stuffed the paper into my pocket. A few teardrops had already fallen onto it and I wanted it to still be readable, so I had to put it away.  
I didn’t know how long I sat on the floor crying. But I didn’t care, running after Marius would be useless now and there was nobody else here anyways.  
Now everything made sense. Their weird acting, Mari’s tip-toeing… I sobbed and shook my head quickly.  
Now that I had read the letter, I couldn’t just sit here and regret being so gullible all the time.  
I got up and felt for the paper in my pocket once more, I needed to make sure it was still there.  
“Mari-chan…” I whispered and ran my fingers through my hair.  
I felt a little relieved, I was able to help  them now. And that had been what I wanted the whole time.  
 _Helping_ them.  
But I needed time. Time, to think of a good plan. Judging from the letter Fuma and Kento hadn’t been careful enough and I knew how careful Kento usually was.  
So, I had to think through everything, because I was the only one who could help them right now.  
I slowly packed the rest of my things and wiped away the remaining tears.  
It was already dark outside, so probably no one would notice my reddened eyes or my trembling hands.  
I made my way home as fast as possible and went straight into my room.  
My mind was a complete mess at that moment and I just picked up my phone unconsciously. My fingers typed a number and I pressed the phone against my ear.  
“Hello?” Kento’s voice greeted me out of the speaker. “Shori?”  
I had to swallow before I could speak up in a weak voice.  
“Hey…” I cleared my throat to get rid of the trembling in my voice. “How- How are you doing?”  
Kento kept silent for a few seconds, probably being really confused, then he started stuttering.  
“I-I’m fine, thank you. What, uhm, why are you calling?” he seemed to be scared. Maybe he was already guessing that I had found something out, but I definitely wouldn’t tell him.  
“I just wanted to hear your voice.” I smiled and tried to hold back the tears that filled my eyes again.  
“Thank you.” I whispered and my voice cracked halfway.  
“Is… everything alright with _you_?” He asked and I could clearly hear worries in his voice.  
“Yes, I’m fine. I just… You will all come to the performance that we have in a few days, right?” I wanted to take my words back immediately. It was so _obvious_ now!  
But I still felt save, since I knew Kento wouldn’t ask me directly if I knew something, and I also wouldn’t tell him voluntarily.  
“Sure. It’s an important event for us… Why wouldn’t we come?” He had found control over his voice again and didn’t stutter anymore.  
“I don’t know. I just wanted to make sure. Well, I guess I’ll see you then. Take care of yourself.” Again, I couldn’t hold myself back from these words. Kento just gave back some quiet words and then hung up.  
That night, I still didn’t find any sleep.  
But at least I didn’t roll around in my bed from my lack of knowledge. I could specifically find a conclusion for the situation they were in.  
No, the situation _we_ were in.  
I was a part of all this.  
And that’s why, I couldn’t let them down. Not now, not with the struggles that lay ahead of us…


	7. Chapter 7

Kento POV

 

I looked at the display of my ringing mobile. _Sato Shori._ I took my phone and picked up the call.

“Hello? Shori?”

“Hey...” Although he tried to suppress it I could hear that something wasn't alright. What if he found out?I kept silent, waiting for him to continue.

“How- How are you doing?”

A cold shudder ran down my back. Sure, this question was totally normal but this was the question I had avoided the last weeks because I couldn't give an answer to it. Neither could the others.

When I realized that I had to answer if I didn't want to get Shori suspicious I spoke quickly: “I-I'm fine, thank you. What, uhm, why are you calling?” I cursed myself for stuttering, trying to calm myself down. He couldn't know something. That was impossible. It was just a normal call. But Shori's next words just made me worry even more.

“I just wanted to hear your voice.” Shori's voice was trembling. “Thank you.” When his voice cracked halfway I knew that something was definitely wrong. But if Shori had a problem he would have told me, wouldn't he? I nearly forgot about my own problems, just wanting to help him.

So I just asked: “Is everything alright with _you_?”

“Yes, I'm fine. I just... You will all come to the performance that we have in a few days, right?”

Wait. He couldn't know something but still... a voice inside of me kept saying that he knew or at least suspected that something was up. I got my voice under control again when I answered: “Sure. It's an important event for us... Why wouldn't we come?”

“I don't know. I just wanted to make sure. Well, I guess I'll see you then. Take care of yourself.”

I murmured something like “You too. See you.” and hung up. Now _that_ was bad. Either he had just a problem himself and wanted to tell me then, or he knew something and was planning... whatever.

And then we _really_ had a fucking problem. I groaned and buried my face in my hands.

How did it come that far?

 

 

Mari POV

 

I felt nervous when I walked into our dressing room. The event for our new single was about to start and I was actually pretty early, since I somehow forgot how to walk slowly recently. My legs had been getting shorter and shorter, and I was afraid I would walk too slow or something, so I run-walked everywhere because I didn’t want people to notice any kind of change in me.  
“You’re early.” I heard a voice from behind me and turned around to see Shori standing in the doorframe. My eyes widened for a second until I had myself under control again.   
I remembered that I had lost the letter, the letter which had _everything_ about our therapy in it, and last time I had seen it was when I met Shori.  
He behaved normal though, so I relaxed a bit. Even after two years together with him, I still couldn’t really read that guy, but I was sure he wouldn’t greet me normally if he knew that his friends, including me, were being tortured.  
But I was still worried. When I turned around to focus on my clothes again, I felt Shori’s eyes on me. He kept tracing every of my movements with his glimpse, but I didn’t dare to ask him about it. What if he inquired something I couldn’t answer?  
Only thinking about him finding my letter gave me a headache, and I surely didn’t want to feel the whole pain of someone asking me directly about this again.  
I remembered the time when I had been in my room with Fuma. At that time I hadn’t been able to stand, talk or even _think_.  
If that would happen now… So shortly before an important event… I don’t think I would be able to recover fast enough if that happened again now.  
“Is something wrong?” I flinched when I felt a hand on my shoulder. Shori was suddenly standing right behind me.  
“You look… pale.” He slowly moved his hand up from my shoulder to my forehead. “You’re not developing a fever now, are you?” his eyebrows raised, but even though he was looking right into my eyes, it seemed as if he was watching through me. His expression seemed empty and really, _really_ exhausted.  
“I’m… I’m fine, Shori.” I began and took his hand to pull it away from my forehead. “You’re the one who looks kind of sick.”  
When Shori’s eyes widened, I started laughing. I felt extremely uncomfortable and my laugh was like a defense mechanism at that moment. And that was exactly what it sounded like. A cold, emotionless laugh escaped from my lungs and I was shocked by myself.  
Our laughs had been like this for weeks now.  
Our terrible acting had been there for weeks now.  
Shori was seriously _worrying_ about all of us.  
How could we have thought for even one second that he would buy all this?  
Shori was just nice enough of a person to keep quiet because he didn’t want us to feel bad.  
I quickly turned around so my band mate wouldn’t see the tears that burnt in my eyes.  
“We need to get ready now. Wh-Where are the others? Have you seen them?” I said quickly and packed my clothes from one pile to the other, which was actually completely useless.  
“Are you talking about us?” Fuma popped up in the doorframe and jumped in semi-happily.   
The other two walked in too, waving at us slightly.   
I had to swallow hard. I couldn’t say anything. Not now. Not when we were about to run to the stage and make our fans happy.  
I put on the smile that was almost hurting and turned around to look at the rest.  
“Why are you so late?”  
I raised my finger theatrically before I continued talking. “We’ve got a show to do! And people to make happy!”  
I laughed, but I could still feel Shori’s concerned eyes on me.

 

 

Shori POV

  
I actually wanted to suppress my worries a bit, I mean, I had made up a plan and I couldn’t risk screwing up now.  
But when I walked into the dressing room, seeing Marius standing there, a discomforting feeling spread inside of me.  
I tried my best to not let him notice anything and greeted him with a “You’re early.”  
He looked a bit shocked for a second; he had probably realized he had lost the letter.  
For a short time I was worried, too. What if he asked if I found the letter? I was bad at lying, but I couldn’t tell him that I had found it either.

Before I knew it, I found myself having stepped beneath Marius. I laid a hand on his shoulder, wanting to express my pity for him, but then I realized I shouldn’t do that if I didn’t want him to notice my plans.

“You look… pale.” I stammered quickly to have a reason to act like I was. I moved my hand to his forehead before I continued talking. “You’re not developing a fever, are you?”

Marius looked surprised, and I regretted my actions immediately.

I wanted to apologize and turn around again, but Mari-chan opened his mouth to give an answer.

“I’m… I’m fine, Shori. You’re the one who looks kind of sick.” He stuttered with a quiet voice as he took my hand off him.

I was in shock for a second. I didn’t know how to answer. Everything I could think of would be either too suspicious, or too obvious.

Marius started laughing and turned around again, leaving me confused.

“Wh-Where are the others? Have you seen them?” he asked quickly and before I could even take a breath to answer him, a voice from behind us made me turn around.  
“Are you talking about us?” Fuma came into the room, the other three walking in behind him.

Again, I wanted to raise my voice to give an answer, but Marius was faster than me.

“Why are you so late?” he asked, scolding them with gestures. “We’ve got a show to do! And people to make happy!” he started laughing again.

I wanted to cheer with them, but it was more than hard to do.

None of their actions were real. As far as I could tell, every smile, every laugh, and every word was acted.

I gave my best to keep up a happy atmosphere as we ran onto the stage enthusiastically.

I could see that the others were trying to be cheerful and happy, but they couldn’t convince me. The fans seemed happy though, and I started to worry about the plan I had made.

I needed to do it now, but what if I didn’t succeed?

What if someone stopped me from accomplishing it?

The fans looked happy, that was the most important thing for a band.  
But I wouldn’t do it because they were my band mates.

I would do it because they were my _friends_.

I took a deep breath when the song was about to end. The music stopped playing and I raised the microphone up to my lips.

“First of all, thank you for attending this event! We’re really happy so many people came to see us, thank you!” Loud cheering from the audience filled my ears. From the corner of my eye I saw my band mates bowing towards our fans.  
That part was planned. Of course they wouldn’t be confused.

My hands started shaking as I raised my voice again.

“Everyone, I’ve got a serious question to ask you.”

When I slowly walked to the stairs to head down to the audience, I heard four voices yelling “Shori?!” from behind me. But I didn’t turn around.  
I felt the whole audience looking at me curiously. Again I started to doubt whether my plan would succeed.

What if Johnny wouldn't change his mind and everything would just get worse?

What if I wouldn't get the answer I needed?

But everything I could do now was to keep going on.

Off from stage I quickly shot a look around, searching for a good place to ask.

In the end I just headed towards the next best block, my aim being a group of fans with uchiwa of us. I spotted two fans, probably at the age of 16, holding uchiwa of Mari-chan and Sou-chan.

As soon as they noticed that I was heading in their direction they looked at each other, starting to squeal.

When I reached them I turned around to face the stage, raised the microphone to my mouth and started to speak. “First of all I want to say thank you to my band members. I'm so glad that we're together in one band and that every time I needed you, you were there, supporting and helping me.” I turned to the audience again, now speaking to them. “That's why I want to ask some fans what they love about each of my band members. No matter if it's physically or aspects of their character. Be honest please.” I chose a fan, holding a Fuma-uchiwa. I had to ask questions about all of them or it would be too conspicuous.

I asked her, what she loved most about Fuma and she talked hours (at least it felt like hours) “Everyone keeps saying that Kikuchi-san has always this cool image, being unapproachable. But, seriously, there is no one in this world with a cuter and more beautiful smile. Every time when I'm sad, I look at a photo of him and I feel happy. Happy because there are perfect persons in this world, who deserve only the best. To be serious I can't really say, what I like most about him. It's more like, even if nobody is completely perfect, he's just... yeah, for me he's perfect. That is what I love about him. That he is able to make people happy, just with his smile.”

For a moment I was stunned. I never knew that our fans were feeling so deep emotions about us. I had always thought they'd find us cute but this... I had to pull myself together to smile at her, say thank you and go to the girl next to her, who was holding a Kento-uchiwa. When I asked her she thought a moment about it before answering: “I think, Nakajima-san has an amazing and admirable aura. It doesn't matter in which mood I am, when I'm seeing him I always feel good, because of him and his smile. He awakens such deep emotions in me and nobody can make me happier than him. You can say he always manages to cheer me up. I love his voice and appearance and I could look for ages at him singing, speaking, dancing or playing the piano. This is a thing I love about him too. That he is able to play the piano. When I saw him playing at the last concert I had to cry because it was so beautiful.” She raised her head and looked up to Kento. Then she spoke again, her voice trembling a bit. “Thank you for being there, Nakajima-san.”

I began to really admire these fans. But now the difficult part started. I sent up a quick prayer and asked the same question to the girl who was holding a Mari-uchiwa. She seemed a little nervous and her voice was trembling when she answered. “Mari-chan is the most wonderful person in the world for me. He seems to be always happy and although he has matured a lot, I'm sure he'll always be that cute little boy for me, no matter what. And besides that I really love his height. Through his maturing he looks even better and I love it that he is so tall. I really appreciate that.”

I had to suppress a sigh of relief when she finally stopped speaking. At least I had one right answer.

Quickly I stepped over to the last girl, holding a Sou-uchiwa and asked her about Sou. She grinned and shot a quick look over to Sou who was still standing on the stage with the others.

“He just... he makes me happy. Every time I'm seeing him I have to smile. He is like the sunshine. Everywhere he appears the mood changes to a happy mood. And I really love his appearance. Through his maturing he looks even better, just like Marius. When I heard his voice after his voice broke, I just thought _Oh my god, this is Sou-kun?_ and I can only say that I _love_ his voice. It's so beautiful by now. Yeah, he makes me happy.”

I had to smile when I turned around again, thanking everyone another time. I could see at their facial expressions that these answers had touched them. Fuma even had to hold back some tears.

But they seemed a little surprised too. And, the most important thing was, they seemed happy. Sou and Mari changed a look full of happiness and hope.

And I knew that my plan went well.

All I could do now was hope. Hope that Johnny listened to this answers attentively and noticed that he was wrong.

And hope that Johnny would admit that he had made a mistake and that everything would be... good again.

 

 

Sou POV

 

When I figured out what Shori was doing there, I had the urge to sing and dance but then I just wanted to cry because Shori was somehow stupid. What if, Johnny wouldn't change his mind and Shori would have to suffer too? I was sure that I wouldn't be able to bear that.

But when this girl said these things I... I just was... happy. To hear her words made me feel so good and I was so glad that I was able to make people happy. _This is what I truly love about this job._

And maybe... it would help.

For this moment I decided to stop worrying and just be happy.

Happy that Shori brought the hope back in our lives.

Happy that he found out and was somehow able to help us or at least make us feel better.

It was in these moments that I really felt us being a unit as a band again. That we were there for supporting and helping each other.

I undoubtedly had the best band ever.

I changed a look with Mari and could see that he was feeling the same things as me.

The rest of our act I felt like being in a dream.

When we were finally backstage I didn't wait for anyone to say something and just hugged Shori.

I couldn't stop my tears from running down my cheeks. But it were tears of luck.

 

 

Fuma POV

 

My heart stopped for a second when I realized what Shori was doing off the stage. I knew immediately that he had found out about everything that had happened and for a short time my jaw dropped open and I couldn’t breathe.   
_What are you doing?! You’re not just getting us in trouble, but also yourself!_ Was the first thing that had crossed my mind.  
But when I heard the answers of our fans, I couldn’t help but smiling brightly. They had so many deep feelings about us I would have never dared to imagine. A warm feeling spread in my chest as the girl Shori had asked about us continued talking. In that second, my worries about Johnny were gone. No one, not even Johnny, could deny that Mari and Sou’s growth was good anymore. My gratitude towards Shori kept growing rapidly and when the show was over I pulled Shori in my arms right after Sou had done so.  
“Thank you, Shori.” I said in a trembling voice. “I know a thank you is not enough, but please accept it.” I had tried to suppress my tears all the time, but now they wouldn’t stop flowing over my cheeks. When Shori didn’t answer, I tightened the hug and raised my voice again. “You’re so brave. What if… What if you would have asked the wrong fan… If you wouldn’t have gotten the right answer? I’m so thankful… Shori, you have no idea.” I stopped talking because I realized that nothing better would come out of my mouth right now. I knew, I couldn’t put my feelings into words right now anyway.  
“Fuma, it’s okay.” Shori finally returned the hug as I sobbed again. “I know you would have done the same in my situation.”  
He pushed me away carefully to look into my eyes, then to look to the others.  
“You all would have done the same. Seriously, there’s no need to thank me, I just did what was necessary.” He smiled and I pulled him back into a hug again. What Shori had done wasn’t something anyone should take as granted.  
And we all knew that.  
We all knew that nobody could contradict Shori was our hero and that we were all grateful to have him around us.

 

 

Kento POV

 

The next day, when we had dance practice, everyone was in an unusual good mood and Sou even played a trick on Fuma. Sure, this thing was hanging above us like thunder clouds, throwing their shadow on everything, but somehow it felt like the sun was fighting harder and harder to break through.

Everyone was nearly happy until the end of our dance practice came closer.

But when there were only ten minutes left, Sou and Marius became just that little more quiet, throwing scared looks to each other. It was barely noticeable but it caused a tension between us that was hard to ignore.

Suddenly, when we all wanted to leave for today, our manager came in, telling us that Johnny wanted to speak with us. _All_ of us. “I don't know why, but it seems to be important because he wants to speak with you now. However... don't let him wait”

It felt like I had received a punch in my stomach and suddenly I had the urge to throw up.

_No... please... not Shori! Not again!_

No one said a thing as we walked through the halls, heading towards his office.

His secretary looked up when we entered. “Just go in. He is already awaiting you.” She smiled encouragingly but that only made me feel more afraid.

I took a deep breath, asking quietly. “Ready?”

Receiving four hesitant nods, I tried to gather my strength, wanting to knock on the door. I hesitated a moment because to be honest I wasn't ready for this, too.

I would _never_ be ready for this.

So I raised my shaking hand, opened the door and went in.

When Johnny-san raised his head from some papers, I flinched. His eyes were cutting through me like a knife, seeming to know every single of my thoughts and feelings.

I lowered my gaze, my heart beating unusual fast, waiting for him to say something.

Sending up a quick prayer, I hoped with all my heart that it was not what I was afraid of.

Suddenly I felt a light touch, just like a feather caressing my hand. Out of instinct I just _knew_ it was Fuma. And somehow... it gave me strength and confidence.

“Your show yesterday was quite impressive. I'm proud of you. You're really improving your skills, aren't you?” Johnny's voice was unexpectedly kind.

To my left I heard Fuma mumble. “Thanks.”

“I'm serious, that was very good! But the thing that impressed me most was this spontaneous interview by Sato-kun. It was very interesting.”

My body tensed as I thought hard of what to say. Because, obviously, he knew that Shori knew and that he fucking did that because he wanted to help us. And I didn't want Johnny to be that cruel again, so I opened my mouth, wanting to talk to him and beg him even if it had been of no use last time. I couldn't stop trying for their sake. But before I could even say a word Shori stepped forward, facing us and bowed.

“I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done this. I didn't mean to hurt you-” his voice was choked and he sounded like he was about to cry. “And Johnny-san, I'm sorry that I've been so stupid. I really hadn't had the intention of causing trouble.”

After a moment of silence I heard Sou murmuring. “It's okay. Don't worry Shori. We've gone through so much shit, so don't worry about us.” He shot a quick look to Johnny. “The only thing I'm sorry about is, that maybe-” his voice faded and he cleared his throat. “However thank you.”

I just nodded in agreement when Shori's eyes met mine.

What none of us expected in this situation was Johnny laughing.

I glared at him disbelieving, because _what the fuck?!_ that really was like “Oh my god it's so funny to see you desperate and suffering.”

Johnny was so damn emotionless, seriously that wasn't funny anymore.

Seeming like he noticed our expressions, he smiled, saying. “I don't want to punish you. To be honest I wanted to talk to you, because I finally realized what I was doing here. I think you all should thank Shori and these lovely cute little fangirls, because they saved you from me, doing these cruel things to you.”

I- No. Seriously that wasn't true, was it? He- he really wouldn't do that to Mari-chan and Sou-chan anymore? This damn nightmare would finally come to an end? That sounded definitely too good to be true.

“Are you- are you serious?” I asked carefully.

“Yes, I am. I realized that it's not always good to act without scruple. I realized that it doesn't depend on different maturing of the band members if they have success or not. It depends on their happiness. You're a band because you want to make people happy, and that's only possible if you're happy yourself.”

Oh my god, he was fucking serious and he'd end all this terror.

“I'm really, really sorry for what I've done to you, and how I behaved. This is the worst thing I've ever done. I know that you might can't and don't want to forgive me but I just want you to know that I'm terribly sorry.” his voice was somehow rough and his eyes glistened.

I didn't manage to bring out more than a whispered “Thank you” before my view blurred. I laughed and threw myself at Fuma, feeling so... happy and full of emotions that my heart wanted to explode.

I just noticed that Marius and Sou were hugging too, looking like they were seeing the sunlight for the first time after a long polar night. This happiness in their eyes, I wanted to remember and treasure it for the rest of my life.

When Sou ran over to me, clinging to me and crying with joy it felt like it took a load off my mind, making me feel as light as a feather.

Johnny-san just stood there, looking like a broken man, as old as he looked never before.

Marius noticed that, letting go of Fuma and just hugged him, saying “Thank you”.

The same moment a tear rolled down Johnny's cheek and he smiled. He just seemed like a nice grandpa being happy to see us like that.

A few minutes later when the everyone-is-hugging-everyone round was done Johnny said with a broken voice. “Let me thank you again Shori-kun. You opened my eyes. It makes me just happy that I decided to let you go. But I have one last question.”

“And that would be?” Sou asked suspiciously.

“Do you want to re-change? I can cancel the changes this caused. It won't be as painful as the others but still... I wanted to ask you before.”

Sou and Marius whispered for a few moments and then just nodded, not being able to chase away the fear in their eyes.

“Yes, we want that.”

Johnny smiled encouragingly and nodded.

 

 

Sou POV

 

 

"Ok, then we'll start." Johnny said and for the first time I saw a sad look on his face.  
Why was he sad?

He probably saw the confusion in my eyes, and quickly continued talking.

"I'm really sorry, but you'll have to go to the room again..." he lowered his eyes, probably knowing how much it would hurt us just to _think_ of that room.

But we had to go there, one last time.  
I actually didn't feel scared or worried when we opened the door, but my hands started trembling automatically when my eyes met the bright lights and the weirdly-colored liquids on the tables.

"Sou, are you okay?" Kento asked in a soft voice as he took my hand. I nodded and tried to smile, and I was genuinely happy that he was there.

Because I felt like he _understood_ me.  
I mean, Marius had his own battles to fight right now, and Fuma was... not someone who could comfort me like that.

"I'm here with you." He said and squeezed my hand.

Johnny told us to take place on the chairs again.

"But this time there's no need for chains." He said, but that didn't really help.  
The bad memories we had burned in our minds wouldn't just go away by a few, comforting words. But maybe these memories would go away after a time, I told myself.

Marius and I took place on the chairs, and I saw how afraid my friend was.  
His eyes were opened wide, and he was trembling just as much as I was.  
He looked a bit better when Fuma decided to do the same as Kento and take Mari’s hand too. They smiled at each other and I was glad that Fuma was for Mari what Kento was for me.  
Not just a helping hand.  
Not just a shoulder to lean on.  
But a _friend,_ a friend who was feeling the same as you, had the same worries and wanted to help you in every possible way.  
My mind slipped a bit, I thought about Shori. He didn’t come into the room with us, because he never had been here and we didn’t want him to see this. He had hesitated a bit, but then agreed. I was still grateful for everything Shori had done for us, and I felt a bit bad for leaving him alone in Johnny’s office, but it was the only acceptable way to get through this.  
“Are you ready?” One of the scientists, who I hadn’t even noticed coming in, asked us.   
I nodded slowly, at least Johnny had promised it wouldn’t hurt as much as the actual therapy.   
The scientist came closer with a syringe. It wasn’t as big as the ones they had used on us before, but it was still a bit bigger than a normal one. But I still wasn’t afraid. The stitch hadn’t been the worst thing when we had undergone the therapy. It had been the pain _afterwards_ , so I didn’t bat an eye when the needle was shoved up my veins.  
In the beginning I thought Johnny had lied to us. I felt a slight pain spreading from where the needle was, but to my satisfaction it stayed at that rate of pain and didn’t get worse. I felt a bit dizzy when I got up though, but Kento was there to uphold me.  
“Won’t you sit on the chair for a little longer?” his voice sounded worried, and I could imagine exactly how his face was looking at that moment, even if I was unable to see clearly.  
“I’m okay.” I insisted, holding onto Kento.  
“Is Mari okay?” I looked to my left and the silhouettes I recognized as Mari and Fuma were the same as me and Kento. Fuma was holding our youngest band mate and mumbling something like “ _It’s okay, it’s over now.”_.

I smiled unconsciously and leaned onto Kento even more.  
I felt safe now. I felt like I had finally arrived at a place I had aimed for, and that only the way here had been a bit tough.

Kento tightened his arms around me a bit and laid a hand on my head.  
“Did it hurt?” he asked, and I was almost sure it was so quiet that nobody else heard it.  
“No…” My voice was only a whisper, but I flinched when I heard it.   
My voice... it had already become a bit deeper again.  
I smiled wider and even giggled silently before I turned my head to look at Kento.  
He was smiling too, and I could see the happiness in his eyes. I think we all felt the same at that moment.  
It was the feeling of pure happiness.


End file.
